Stowe Cancels School Dances Because They Don't Want Kids Twerking

STOWE, Vt. – “It’s a big disappointment,” said Dylan Priestly. The Stowe High School student is among man who say they feel robbed of a longtime high school ritual — school dances. “Dances were always something we looked forward to — they’re a big part of the high school tradition I think,” Priestly said. But Stowe High School Principal Jeff Maher the says certain dance sexualized moves showed up at a dance earlier this year — and crossed the line. “The style commonly known as grinding — and I won’t go into the details of what it looks like — but I mean it’s been out there for years now and it’s just not something we felt we could condone by continuing to sponsor that type of dance,” Maher said. Three dances later in the year have been canceled, including a Halloween dance that was called off just days before it was scheduled to take place. “It was a bit shocking. We’ve had dances in the past and it’s a fun experience for everyone, and we never got a warning about it. And the students didn’t really have a say in it,” said Katelyn O’Toule, a Stowe Sophomore.

How do you think Principal Maher looks at himself in the mirror every morning? How does he do it? Because he’s a real life person who took a Hollywood script and made it a reality. He just turned Stowe into the set of Footloose 2. Like if he unplugs the music then kids won’t know what to do with themselves and pre-marital sex as a whole will cease to exist. Know how people got mad about Elvis’ hip thrusts and we laugh at how simple and prude everyone used to be? Jaff Maher doesn’t laugh, he nods and says “Well, they had a point. That’s grotesque.” It’s absolutely nuts. Hey Maher, this is the 21st Century. Kids are sexting and fucking in middle school. Grinding and twerking on each other is legitimately the least sexual thing they do. If you ban dances then you know what they’re going to do? They’ll skip the PG part of the night in the auditorium and just go right to the after party where they funnel beers in mom’s basement then go get a blowjob in the laundry room. But hey, at least they didn’t dance first so that’s a win.