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Eli Manning Says He's Better Than Peyton...At Laying The Pipe


Jay Mohr: “I’m going to give you a pop quiz, and your answer is either you or Peyton…..Who is your mom’s favorite?”

Manning: “Me.”

Mohr: “Who dresses better?”

Manning: “Me.”

Mohr: “Whose is your dad’s favorite?”

Manning: “Peyton.”

Mohr: “Who’s cleaner?”

Manning: “Me.“

Mohr: “Who gives better advice?”

Manning: “Peyton.”

Mohr: “Who reads more?

Manning: “Peyton.”

Mohr: “Who’s a better lover?”

Manning: “Me.”

Mohr: “Who cooks better?”

Manning: “Me.”

Mohr: “Who drives better?”

Manning: “Definitely me.”

Mohr: “Who’s a better quarterback?”

Manning: “Peyton’s got me.”

Hearing that Peyton is the apple of Archie’s eye & the better QB of the two isn’t a surprise. What IS a surprise is how Eli’s life apparently revolves around fucking. You know what chicks dig more than a championship quarterback? A well-dressed one who can wine & dine them in his own kitchen, has a great relationship with mom, can drive the shit out of a car & beat that pussy up. Oh, and when he’s not casting spells with his magic stick, you might find him loving puppies at his favorite charity.


I knew Eli had something up his sleeve. What I didn’t know is that it was actually down his pants. Retards are known to have super-human strength & huge dongs though, so I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised. This is probably just the tip of the iceberg, too. He’s probably got a bigger harem than Tiger & Jeets combined. Throws down a fuck game so good he doesn’t need to write checks or have chicks sign confidentiality agreements. His wife doesn’t make a peep either. No one melts hearts & soaks panties better than Eli, and no woman is gonna risk their spot in the rotation over a little pub.

Eli > Peyton