Merchapolooza | 10% Off The Barstool Store When You Use Your Favorite Personality's CodeSHOP NOW

New Luxury Condos In NYC Feature $3,000 Toilets That Play Relaxing Music

Screen Shot 2014-06-10 at 2.01.05 PM

NY Post – This toilet is music to a luxury developer’s ears. The Sterling Mason in Tribeca is pimped out with $3,000 Toto smart toilets that play jazz and ocean sounds, purify the air and have ionized seats that repel bacteria. Reps for the 32-unit building — where a five-bedroom condo is on the market for $9.65 million — said it’s flush with state-of-the-art furnishings. And that includes a cutting-edge john. “The interiors .?.?. were designed with an acute attention to detail and an uncompromising commitment to quality and craft,” said interior designer Henry Ellis of the firm Gachot. “Even something like the toilet, which is usually an afterthought on development projects, was a highly debated topic.” They have a programmable night light, remote control to flush and a retractable “Washlet” for a bidet. There’s also a built-in deodorizer, dryer and heated seat. But for the New Yorker who has it all, this porcelain throne plays the soothing sounds of running brooks and crashing waves to give people more privacy. The bowl’s boom box is a unit that attaches to the wall and is preloaded with 18 MP3s including “Ave Maria.”

You know the timeless piece of advice “Don’t Buy Cheap Toilet Paper?” Like no matter how rough things are financially, you should always splurge on the soft TP. Cut corners on food. Cut corners on entertainment. But an essential like toilet paper is worth the extra money.

Well you think $3,000 toilets that play soothing sounds and jazz music with bacteria purifying seats is like the equivalent for really rich people? Maybe they pass on the new Rolex. Leave the fresh Armani suit on the rack. But make sure you splurge on the toilet with the remote control and the retractable bidet. You can’t shit without Ave Maria playing like some sort of savage commoner. I mean the logic behind the toilet paper idea makes perfect sense. So doesn’t the luxury toilet for the really rich as well? You’re gonna use that thing every single day for as long as you live there. Might as well have heated seats and an automatic deodorizer. Money well spent if you ask me.

PS – I cannot even imagine taking a shit while listening to Ave Maria. Sitting on the bowl tearing up expecting white doves to come out of my asshole or something.