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For $20,000 You Can Have George RR Martin Script Your Death

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NewserIf you happen to have $20,000 burning a hole in your pocket, George RR Martin will cut you for it. The author behind Game of Thrones will slay you with all appropriate gore—on the written page, of course—if you are a top-tier donor of his current crowdfunding blitz. Martin is raising money for the Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary and the Food Depot in his current hometown of Santa Fe, New Mexico. As Mashable reports, you get to decide your character’s station in life, from lord to peasant, and Martin will write out your lot in death in a future A Song of Ice and Fire novel. About $19,950 short of $20,000? Not to worry. You can still score a T-shirt, and a chance to pal around with Martin at the sanctuary. Martin describes his motivation thusly: “I’ve always been fond of wolves… direwolves in Westeros, and real wolves in the real world. US wolf populations hit critical lows during the 20th century, and finding a way for humans to co-exist with this majestic creatures is an important part of the conservation movement.” The campaign is here.

First of all, how big of a fucking lunatic is George RR Martin? A Save The Wolves campaign? Who the fuck worries about the wolves? I mean everyone loves a little 3 Wolf Moon shirt but to start an actual foundation to save wolves is just another wacky notch in the belt of this fat furry pervy violent weirdo.

Anyway I’m thinking about starting up a Kickstarter to raise enough dough to have George RR Martin kill me. I’m thinking it would have to be a death along the lines of Gluttony from Se7en. Ramsay Snow or Joffrey feeding me popems until my stomach explodes all over a couple whores. That would be the true Game of Thrones death for KFC. Paying the Iron Price for my lascivious affinity towards the donut.

PS – I want to pay him fucking $200,000 to kill Ramsay Snow. I hate that fucking creep. Its a toss up between him and Cersei which is gonna be more satisfying when they eat shit.

PPS – Free t shirt to the first loser who says the want George RR Martin to kill me in real life instead.