If You Were Trying To Get Laid, Would You Rather Have David Ross Or Jim Boylen As Your Wingman?
That's a throwback to David Ross being the coolest guy in the room at the Cubs 2017 convention. Figured we'd run it back with the convention this weekend with a friendly reminder that David Ross fucks. He's an international sex symbol whether you like it or not. Baseball people. Sports people. Chicago and Boston people. Everyeone everywhere loves this guy and it's okay.
But relative to you getting some decent trim, do you want David Ross stealing the spotlight on your double date? If you go to the bar with David Ross, do you think she's going to even consider your dick? You see it's a delicate balance when your wingman is of David Ross's charm and sensibilities. You have to be a confident man in your own right to work a room with this guy. It can't be David Ross and A Wet Bag. You gotta bring at least something to the table otherwise it's a one man dog and pony show. You'll be upstaged.
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On the positive side, you have unreal wit and a World Series Championship background/pedigree. The stories are probably awesome and you're inevitably lumped into his social category.
David Ross is so cool I'd probably bang his friend - Her, talking about You
On the other side of this equation is Jim Boylen. A man who is so utterly confident and seemingly unaware of his limitations. He's a guy who doesn't give a fuck if streamers fall from the ceiling in the middle of the game in what's probably my favorite clip of all time:
This is a guy who will never get mad if they accidentally undercook the mozeralla sticks. He doesn't give a shit if they're still mildly frozen on the inside
who cares if they're cold. the body's warm. just eat em. okay. just eat em.
This is a man who orders shots for successfully ordering dinner.
You know what Crystal bring out a round of lemon drops for the table. That was a nice order. I'm proud of my group.
You don't know it but an hour into dinner with Jim Boylen and you are absolutely fucking SHITFACED. He's just running it back on the cocktail menu time and again like Herb Brooks on the suicide line in Miracle/Real Life. That's Boylen's nature.
Hey Crystal. 'Nother pitcher of Mai Thais
So which one is a better wingman. The relentless party animal that's Jim Boylen that wants streamers hanging from the rafters. Or is it David Ross who might accidentally charm the panties off both women before they even toss the salad. That's a question for you to decide. Unfortunately for me I'm going Boylen because if things don't work out with the girls, at least you got loaded and did some karaoke.
But then I remember the question is about getting laid and I'd be stupid to bet on anyone but David Ross in this town. David Ross vs. literally anyone and I'm taking Ross. You would too.
Congrats on the sex.