This 9-Man Suplex Is Quite Possibly The Greatest Achievement In Human History
The pyramids? Democracy? Allegedly sending people to the moon? All great achievements, sure, but none of them even hold a candle to this 9-man suplex we witnessed last night. Any idiot who was alive a million years ago could have discovered fire. But could they come close to achieving anything remotely as impressive as this?
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Not a chance. Not a frickin' chance.
Now I'll admit that I haven't quite kept up with wrastlin' since guys like...Randy Orton and Rob Van Dam? I made it past Stone Cold and everything but tapped out pretty shortly thereafter. "Wow that was a really neat wrestling pun there, Jordie". Thanks, I know. But the point I'm trying to make here is that I haven't the slightest clue when some pretty boy Kliff Kingsbury knockoff in a Canadian tuxedo who goes by the nickname "Freshly Squeezed" became a professional wrestler so I was pretty lost throughout the entire sequence. It doesn't make a difference though because that was still cool as shit.
A suplex orgy delivered in all denim? Say no more, I'm in. I just hope the aliens were tuning in to this one so they know what they're in for if they ever try to invade Earth. I feel like most aliens at this point just treat Earth like a flyover state and don't even bother stopping here because we're so underdeveloped. But if they did ever work up the courage to drop by, they'd have a suplex orgy here waiting for them. And if that didn't work?