I Am Terrified Of How The Mets Are Going To Honor Jeter This Week

The Mets are 6-0 in their last 6 games against the Yankees. The 4 game sweep last year and now so far in this first 2 game set they’ve embarrassed the Yankees. The Mets putrid offense has erupted for like 21 home runs. The Mets disaster bullpen has basically been lights out. Basically the Mets have exposed the Yankees for the old, injured, mediocre team that they are. The Yankees are making this team look like the 86 Mets. I should be riding high. Over the fucking moon. The Yankees might never beat the Mets ever again.

And yet here I am, sick to my stomach. Why? Because I’m anticipating the Derek Jeter Farewell ceremony at Citi Field. Before tomorrow’s game they’ll be honoring him and I am fucking dreading it. Its gonna make me PUKE. I mean that fucking dickhead JJ already described in very explicit detail the type of blowjob the Mets will be giving Jeter and its not that much of a stretch. For an organization that loves honoring other players and infuriating their fan base, this has the potential to be the worst ever. If Jackie Robinson got a rotunda Jeter may just get the whole  goddam stadium. Just call it Jeter Field and have the Wilpons sit out there with their goofy fucking smiles honoring a guy that most of their fans absolutely despise. Its almost a 100% lock the Mets over do this and embarrass themselves and I am not looking forward to it.

Place your bets here for what dumb ass gift he’ll get. Here are the odds:

Bacteria infested Shake Shack burger and a Yeah Jeets shirt - 100/1
Saul Katz’s majority share – 25/1
Some horrendous sculpture of the number “2” – 20/1
A painting of him demolishing the Mets in the 2000 World Series 7/1
A painting of the Jump Throw – 1/2

DOOMSDAY SCENARIO – I’m not kidding when I say I’m worried they’ll name a piece of the stadium after him. Some sort of Pavilion or Foodcourt or something. They are dumb enough to do that.

BEST CASE SCENARIO – A gift basket filled with baseball memorabilia as a quiet, subtle jab/reference to his infamous farewell gift bags he gave to chicks he’s fucked. If the Mets did that I would forever love them.

BEST CASE REALISTIC SCENARIO – Just make a donation to his foundation and a framed picture of him and Bob Shepard or Steinbrenner or someone that’s dead so it seems classy and lets get this fucking shit over with.