And the Pussification of America Continues: Tahiti Soccer League Awards 1 Pt For Teams That Lose So the Losers Don’t Feel Sad

Fox – A recent, bizarre rule change in Tahitian soccer has softened the blow for losing teams considerably. Tahiti’s Football Association have revamped their scoring system in the domestic leagues so that winners now pick up four points instead of three, a draw yields two points, and losers pick up one point. Yes, losing teams now literally get rewarded just for showing up. FA director Charles Ariiotima explained the compensation for losers, which as far as we know is the first of its kind, to ESPN Brasil: We just don’t want anyone to be sad. With this system, even if a team loses every game, they won’t be on zero points at the end of the season. Football, first of all is joy.

Ordinarily I’d be all over this story. Calling Tahitians a bunch of pussies blah, blah, blah. But I actually don’t think it’s that bad of an idea. Nobody should feel sad in the tropics. Everybody should be happy all the time. That’s why I had to upgrade to St. Barth’s over St. Martin when I go on vacation. I was sick of having all those poor people ruining my vibe. Can you try not to act like your life sucks for me one time here? I’m on vacation. Show some respect.   Well same goes with the Tahitian soccer league. Can’t have those dudes moping all over the island. You got your 1 point.   Stop feeling bad for yourself, fetch me a Strawberry Daquari and call it a day.