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Wake Up With The Astros And Red Sox Heavily Involved In One Of The Biggest Baseball Cheating Scandals Of All time


Hey everyone! Good morning! How's everyone doing? I don't give a fuck, unless you're a Yankees fan.

What happened yesterday? The Houston Astros were handed down one of the worst punishments in baseball history for blatantly cheating to win the 2017 World Series. It's been proven that they do not win the World Series without this elaborate scheme to steal signs. Don't understand yet? They knew what every single pitch was coming before it was thrown. Seems ideal. The aftermath? Manager AJ Hinch and GM Jeff Luhnow are job-less while also being suspended for a full season. There's a conspiracy that Major League Baseball went "soft" on these guys so that they could help the Astros (owner Jim Crane) save face by firing them and make them look better. Fine, whatever you want to believe. Those guys will likely never be involved with baseball ever again, unless a team is out of their minds to hire them. 

Is the rest of the Astros punishment enough? Of course not. Hinch should be in prison. Federal prison. What's a $5 million dollar fine to a baseball team? Nothing, unless you're the A's or Rays and cannot afford soda in your machines. Top two draft picks gone for the next two years? Yeah, sure that's nice, but not really. The Astros have tons of young talent so that won't kill them. I would've also attacked their international signing bonus money which is arguably more important than a draft pick these days. Unless you were penalizing players the Astros punishment was never going to be enough. Bottom line. 

What does get fun is the imminent Alex Cora suspension. According to this extensive investigation, Cora was the ring leader. This was a player driven scheme, aside from Cora. Players were not touched because it would get too complicated with who was actually involved, but it appears everyone gladly placed Cora under the bus. My manager! He was the bench coach. He played a pivotal role in this scandal. It was his plan. He's the guy that has to die. I want him to suffer. I want him to suffocate. He's as smug as AJ Hinch through all of this. 

Red Sox fans (Carrabis) are confused as to why Cora has been targeted. Hey schmucks, it's not only because of 2018. Don't play dumb. The Red Sox as a team aren't being punished here. Cora was the ring leader of 2017. He was the orchestrator of this scandal. What's not to understand here? It was his plan. He's at more fault than Hinch or Luhnow it seems. On top of all of this, the  the 2018 Red Sox continued to cheat despite Major League Baseball's warning to stop. They refused. Manfred is furious and Cora's head is on the chopping block. Cut it the fuck off. I've heard 3 years, but we'll see what happens. 

Anyways, you could not script a better offseason for the New York Yankees. Gerrit Cole. Matt Blake. Eric Cressey. The Astros and Red Sox equal demise. I'm ready for everyone to die in 2020. The Death Star is back. Every single one of those guys in pinstripes is furious. Good fucking luck. I want a slaughter. I want a one-sided war. 

Fuck all of you.