Who Was A Better Dad This Weekend: Tiger Woods Or Frank Caliendo?
In The Red Corner
Lots of chatter this weekend about how Tiger Woods and his son Charlie just rolled up casually to some youth tournament in Florida and dusted the field. Now imagine reading Ben Hogan's 5 Lessons of golf to your son every night before bed. You've watched countless hours of instructional videos on youtube to help relay knowledge you never once athletically mastered yourself. You waded deeper into credit card debt this fall to spring for bi-weekly lessons with the local pro. Mom is furious but you think Junior is taking to it quickly so you tell her Wait And See How He Does This Weekend, Goddamnit. She tells you to stop raising your voice in front of the children, then pours her 4th stiff Chardonnay of the evening. You lock eyes with your son. The power of your gaze carries a simple message:
Don't you dare let me down at the Club-Med 10u Junior Winter Classic on Sunday
You arrive early for light stretching and band exercises followed by deep breathing exercises. A few heavy pulls of scotch from your flask later and it's down to the range to work through the bag, emulating Bryson Dechambeau's pre-round shot routine. The adderall keeps your son focused and disciplined as he works sand-wedge through 3-iron. The ball striking is so improved from last spring that your ego just can't help itself.
I'm basically the next Earl Woods - you.
Somewhat ironically and to everyone's surprise, 12 minutes later and 3 stalls down, Tiger Woods shows up with his son Charlie. They just paid the walk-up entry fee and it seems Tiger's on the bag.
* More Scotch *
"Look at that fuckin swing" - you, to yourself
9 holes later, your kid finishes 14 strokes off first, tied for 66th with a girl. It's devastating. The turning point was the par-5 4th when he/you explode over an errant tee-shot. Afterwards you promise your son $300 cash if he agrees to tell mommy the driver-shaft broke accidentally.
Elsewhere, Charlie Woods is balling out at Julipter's finest, Al Forno Pizza. He drinks root beer from the tournament champion cup while Tiger enjoys an ice cold Mai Thai and thumbs through the scorecard. Live audio from the Texans/Chiefs game booms throughout the restaurant's sound system, but inside Tiger's head the beat thumps:
In The Blue Corner
I love Frank Caliendo. His laugh% is off the charts. I can't help it - I'm a sucker for a world class impressionist. Sue me.
What gets me here is the same thing about Tiger Woods caddying for and coaching his son. It's that bond of a father passing along what they know to their kids. So for Tiger that's how to shape a 6-iron into the wind to hold a tight green. For Frank Caliendo that's hanging out in sweatpants, making Jon Gruden faces.
To me their both awesome which is why I can't say who had a better weekend being a father so let's just instead hit some tape on these two classics.