Charmin Rolls Into CES And Makes A Big Stink
According to Androidauthority.com Charmin showcased three new products at the 2020 CES conference in Las Vegas.
CES is the self proclaimed “world’s gathering place for all those who thrive on the business of consumer technologies. It has served as the proving ground for innovators and breakthrough technologies for 50 years — the global stage where next-generation innovations are introduced to the marketplace.”
Also know as a nerd convention.
First Product: Charmin Roll Bot
The Charmin Roll Bot or TP bot is a toilet paper-delivering dream machine. This thing easily wiped the floor with the other products that debuted at CES. Basically it’s a Bluetooth controlled robot that you can remote control navigate to you from your phone to bring you toilet paper if you’re taking a shit, or a tinkle for the ladies. The only pre-requisite to needing to use it is you stupidly don’t check to see if you’re out of tp, or keep a spare roll in the bathroom, before going cheeks to porcelain and mess to water. So this thing is marketed for rich idiots. It has infrared sensors to navigate your hallways and doorways with precision because the last thing you want is a single bump into a wall causing the one roll of toilet paper Roll Bot is carrying to fall off and roll down the hall and the stairs and get destroyed by your pets. I would use this thing to bring me a joint.
Second Product: Charmin SmellSense
This little gem from Charmin will warn you if someone had an extra stinky shit via LED display. It can detect excess carbon dioxide or hydrogen sulfide. It then will display a Go/No Go so you know whether or not to enter the bathroom. So at my house this thing would just be a No Go constantly. It would be fun to see how long you can get the No Go display to last after a huge shit though. “Look honey, it’s been 40 minutes since last flush and still a No Go.” The only positive here I can see is this would provoke people to fart in the bathroom more just to see the display change, making the rest of the house a safe zone.
Third Product: Charmin V I Pee
Funny name. This is described as a premium portable toilet that comes equipped with the ‘Oculus Rift S VR’ headset. It’s an eye/ears/throat doctor’s nightmare. Level up your avatar in the virtual world while contracting pink eye in the real world. Enjoy the long lines as no one will want to leave this boy cave. This is actually for concerts so you don’t miss your favorite song, which is even worse as the Oculus would get stolen or destroyed pretty quick with all the drunk attendees of any concert or festival.
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Note: None of these products will be available anytime soon.
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