Joaquin Phoenix is Heroically Saving the Planet With His Selfless 'One Awards Show Tux' Policy

Yesterday I singled out Joaquin Phoenix for having the courage to take the stage at the Golden Globes and admonish his fellow film industry stars to start taking fewer private jets to their 5-star vacation spots:

Obviously Hollywood didn't much appreciate it, as evidenced by the fact the orchestra immediately cranked the "Stop Talking Now" music up to 11. Like I wrote, "Sorry, Joker. Ever try sexually assaulting one of Harvey Weinstein’s assistants while flying coach? Not happening." Well now I couldn't be prouder of myself for mentioning Joaquin's integrity, determination, and commitment to a cleaner world for our children and our children's children. Because now we know just how deep that commitment runs. 

Imagine finding this degree of self-sacrifice in our otherwise selfish world. One man come in the name of love. One man he resist. One man accept free tuxedo designed by the daughter of a billionaire musician who's been knighted by the Queen that costs more than my car. One man get it dry cleaned instead of accepting another one. In the name of love. Want more in the name of love. 

This is not virtue signalling, Stella McCartney. This is how the world changes. One reusable designer tux at a time. By bold people willing to step outside the cultural norms. Willing to stand by the courage of their convictions, even if it means being seen in public in the same outfit twice. Brave men, unafraid to face ridicule from the privileged, multi-tuxedoed elites. Whose shining example can be a beacon for all of us.

Thanks to Joaquin and Stella, nurses need no longer to wear their scrubs once, throw them out and buy another set. Those guys who climb telephone poles won't have to feel the scorn of passing motorists, judging them for wearing the same jeans and the same work shirt twice in the same week. Snowplow drivers won't have to feel self-conscious about hanging onto the hat and gloves that keep them warm in an ice storm at 3 a.m. My kid no longer has to be ashamed about the Marine Corps-issued boots that wore down to nothing and left him with a partial disability because he would've had to pay to replace them out of his own pocket. All thanks to the valor of this A-lister and his insanely wealthy designer.

On behalf of the entire planet Earth, I thank you for your service, Joaquin and Stella. There are future generations of endangered species yet unborn who will owe their lives to you and your willingness to do laundry. God bless.