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Most Unlikable White Man Alive Chet Hanks Continues To Be The Polar Opposite Of His Father, This Time Speaking With A Jamaican Patois Accent

RUDE BOY! WAGWAN!Chet Hanks for the culture! For his island!

Chet Hanks made waves a few years back when the world learned that Tom Hanks’ son is a white wannabe rapper who repeatedly dropped the N bomb, and then doubled down defending his use of the word and said he was allowed to because it was free speech. He also admitted to selling coke and smoking crack, and basically bringing shame to the entire Hanks name. As likable as Tom Hanks is, his son is that UNlikable. On the list of Most Unlikable White Men Alive its probably like:

5. Me

4. Matt Lauer

3. David Duke

2. Harvey Weinstein

1. Chet fucking Hanks

He’s basically like Lil Kev from Always Sunny except he’s not mentally handicapped, he’s just a rich kid asshole. Its like he’s striving to be Kevin Federline and somehow failing at it. Borderline impossible to not be able to achieve K-Fed status. The fact that you see the name Hanks and expect to get this guy who’s like his father and been raised by America’s Dad and instead you get THIS dude is one of the most unexpected storylines in Hollywood. I feel like everyone knows him now because of his infamous moments, but the first time you find out Tom Hanks son goes by “Chester Haze” and posts IG pics like this:

ChesterHaze

haze-was-accused-of-trashing-a-hotel-room-1462225224

its truly a jaw dropping moment. Right up there with discovering Bing Crosby is white.

Colin Hanks, Tom’s other son, is exactly what you expect. He looks like Tom, he acts like Tom – literally and figuratively – and he just seems like a nice dude. But his brother is about as off putting as it gets. Somehow, saying the N word is like coming in third place in his list of dumb ass behavior. I’d say it goes 3) dropping the N bomb 2) defending your use of the N bomb 1) speaking in a Jamaican patois accent like an absolute IDIOT. Some how some way I think these videos are more racist than Blackface. Like just because Drake said “more chune for your headtop” and your favorite artists say “tings” doesnt mean you can pull this off. Just because you like Rihanna or danced to Sean Paul back in the day, doesnt give you the green light to talk like this. And dont get me wrong – I’m not saying this because its like “racially insensitive.” I’m not offended or upset by him. I’m saying this strictly from a “How not to make an ass of yourself” point of view. I dont think Chet Hanks is a mean spirited racist. Not when he said the N word and not now when hes pretending to be Buju Banton or some shit. I think he’s just a preposterous asshole who cant help but get out of his own way.

Which is the true tragedy of it all. Saying you were born on third base doesnt even begin to capture the head start Chet Hanks had. You’re TOM HANKS’ SON. The most universally successful, likable, revered and respected dude in America. I mean that sincerely. He’s probably at the top of the list for all those categories. You could just sit back, stay in the shadows, dont rock the boat, and live an absolutely spectacular life. You could do nothing and be rich and well liked. You could ride his coattails and probably have a acting career without having a shred of talent based on your dad’s success and likability. More or less the only way you could not have a great life if you’re a member of the Hanks clan is to try to be a cringeworthy rapper who pisses everyone off pretending to be anything other than a white dude. Such a BLOWN OPPORTUNITY. You had the ultimate head start and somehow you turned into a real life B-Rad from Malibu’s Most Wanted. Coming from a dude who would has zero problem benefitting from good old fashioned nepotism, let ME be Tom Hanks’ son instead. Fucking Chester Haze had a winning Powerball ticket and ripped it all up just to pretend to be Shabba Ranks.