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Is Kendall Jenner A Secret Agent Who Has Been Deployed To Destroy The Sixers From The Inside?

I am so fucking sick and tired of caring about what or who Kendall Jenner is doing. If I could go back and time and cancel one show in the entire history of television, it would be Keeping Up With The Kardashians. And keep in mind, that means that I would spare 2 Broke Girls, which was unequivocally one of the most egregious pieces of shit ever made. But for as god awful as that show was, it didn't have nearly as much negative impact on the world as the Kardashians have. So the fact that I have to care about Kendall Jenner makes me want to stick a couple lit cigarettes in my eyes and swallow a drawer full of rusty butterknives. 

But that's what Ben Simmons has forced me to do. Because as much as I'm on the side of "professional athletes should be allowed to have their own private lives outside of sports", you can't tell me with a straight face that Ben Simmons dating Kendall Jenner isn't an enormous threat to the Sixers' aspirations of winning a championship. 

Now here's where I'm conflicted, however. Because I can't blame Ben Simmons for this. He's 23-years-old, just signed a contract worth more money than the majority of humans will ever see in their lifetime, and he has an absolute rocket ship from one of the richest families in the world at his side. You're a lying sack of shit if you say you wouldn't do the same thing. And I also can't really blame Kendall Jenner here because that family is way too rich for me to believe that she's making all of her own decisions here. She's a cog in the machine. Now what machine may that be, you might be asking yourself right now? 

I honestly don't know the answer to that question, but it's what I'm trying to figure out. I mean who would have the most to gain if the Sixers imploded on themselves? Milwaukee? Sure. But what kind of connections would the Bucks have to Kendall Jenner? Not much if any at all. The Celtics? Maybe. But I feel like Boston is way too cocky to put that much careful planning and effort into a stunt like this. But what about in the City of Angels? More specifically, what about the Los Angeles Lakers? Because right now, that is Kawhi's city and LeBron James needs to do whatever he possibly can to take it back from him. So what if he got Kendall to start dating Ben again, only to have that relationship destroy the Sixers to the point where they feel like they need to move on from Ben Simmons, and then Klutch Sports brokers a deal to get Ben over to the Lakers with LeBron? LeBron, Anthony Davis and Ben Simmons all on the same squad, just the way that LeBron wanted it to go. 

It might sound crazy, I know. But does it sound any crazier than the fact that Kendall Jenner spent her New Years Eve in Philly? Not to shit on my own city or anything but let's be real. She can go anywhere in the world to start the new year, I highly doubt that Philly would be anywhere near her top 100 spots. So something needs to happen here. The league needs to step in and we need to get to the bottom of this before it's too late. Enough damage has already been done. The Sixers lost 3 straight games to close out 2019. They're 3rd in the division, 6th in the conference, it's time to end the madness. My only fear is that this conspiracy goes all the way to the top, and that maybe the league is involved as well. At that point, it's a matter of national security.