Taco Bell is One Big Elitist Asshole

I didn’t want to blog this because I’ve been FURIOUS at Taco Bell for the last week, but they’ve finally sent me over the edge and now I need to give them a piece of my mind. But it’s not just my mind, it’s our mind. We are all in this struggle together. In case you’re new here, I’ve been Taco Bell’s biggest supporter. Everything they do is a great move, their food is fantastic, and I’ve always been there in the front row at all their games, cheering them on.

So then what do they do? They send out 1,000 “Taco Bell Breakfast Phones” where you get to have scavenger hunts and get all sorts of prizes and participate in all sorts of Taco Bell shenanigans. But guess who they sent the phones to? The common man? Their biggest supporter in all the land? No. Not even close. They sent the phones to celebrities and to random twitter bitches. Those who go to Taco Bell ironically and do stupid tweets like “OMG Taco Bell tee hee!” got one, and not to people who go because it’s all they can afford and/or genuinely enjoy going there.

So all week, Taco Bell has been tweeting shit like this:

Your face could win you a Waffle Taco Button Down. But only if you have a #BreakfastPhone. pic.twitter.com/WuKBa5LoIE

— Taco Bell (@TacoBell) March 22, 2014

Oh yea? Only if you’re one of the 1,000 people in the fucking universe who have a breakfast phone? Cool story, bro. I’m sure the random models who you sent a phone will appreciate that shirt. Right. Sure.

But yet here I am. Counting down the days until TBell breakfast. Already planning on crawling back to them like a beaten wife.

When it comes down to it, Taco Bell thinks they are better than you. And I had to let everyone know because I’m the people’s champion and I won’t stand for this. And you don’t have to stand for it. Except if you read the last paragraph, I totally will stand for it. Then sit on the toilet for it. For hours. Because that’s the life I choose.