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Donald Trump Says He Plans On Buying The Bills

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NJ.com -Donald Trump, the king of the publicity stunts, insists this isn’t one of them: He really wants to buy the Buffalo Bills, and he pledges to keep the NFL team in Buffalo. “I’m going to give it a heavy shot,” Trump told Tim Graham of the Buffalo News on Monday. “I would love to do it, and if I can do it I’m keeping it in Buffalo.” And his reason for keeping the team in New York? Pure selfishness. “I live in New York, and it’s easier for me to go to Buffalo than any other place,” Trump said. “Where am I going to move it, some place on the other side of the country, where I have to travel for five hours?” While there have been reports that New Jersey rock star Jon Bon Jovi is a front man for a Toronto group that wants to purchase the team and move it to Canada, no one from that group has spoken on the record about its interest. Other possible buyers have been mum, too — which left an opening for Trump to stick a flag in the ground. Somewhere between runs for the White House, his reality television show, appearances on Fox News to bash the president and mega real estate deals, Trump says he can find time to run an NFL team — at the right price, of course. (He’ll sell his interest in two Atlantic City casinos that bear his name, he says, if the league insists.) “I have a track record that’s pretty much unparalleled,” Trump said, “but that doesn’t mean that I pay stupid prices. Somebody could come out and bid through the roof for the Bills, something crazy. In which case, I’m sorry I can’t do anything about that. You have to be sane. But maybe there’s not going to be any other bids. You never know with these things.”

There’s probably a less than 1% chance this happens. The 2 major roadblocks being 1) Donald Trump is a goddam clown and 2) He has a ton of holdings in casinos and no NFL owner can have any ties to gambling. But man would this be fun. It would be like if one XFL team was allowed to join the NFL. Thats exactly what Trump as an owner will be. He’s like a half step above Vince McMahon. Who fucking knows if he has the brains and resources to actually be a good owner, but its the fucking Bills we’re talking about here. There’s nowhere to go but up really. Even if Trump is a clown and knows nothing about running a successful football franchise, I can promise you one thing – it will be a blast to go to Bills games. Probably have half naked chicks working concession stands. All sorts of elaborate booze and food everywhere. Turn the parking lot into a professional tailgate scene. Fuck he’ll probably have hotel rooms in the stadium. You can just spend the weekend there every game. Bills games will be like a trip to AC – a lavish expensive weekend in a dumpy city where you come away with absolutely nothing to show for it.