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Do The Toronto Maple Leafs Need An Enforcer? Not Anymore Now That Justin Bieber Is On The Squad

Oh no. Kyle Dubas, baby, what is you doin? As if it's been hard enough for Toronto Maple Leafs fans, you've just signed this franchise up for another 50 years without a Cup. 

Justin Bieber was born on March 1, 1994. Do you think it's any coincidence that no Canadian NHL team has won the Stanley Cup since the Montreal Canadiens in 1993? Not a goddamn chance. Because death follows each new life. And with Justin Bieber's life followed the death of Canadian teams winning the Cup.  So for Kyle Dubas to go out there and bring in Justin Bieber? Well now you're just taunting the Hockey Gods to strike you down forever. And it's not like the Leafs needed any additional reasons to get bullied by the Hockey Gods for the rest of eternity. 

Also--how did Dubas even pull off this signing? Toronto currently has negative money to work with salary cap wise. Between Matthews, Tavares, Marner and Nylander, that's $40.5 million right there. I can't imagine that Justin Bieber is coming in here and getting the league minimum. So some fuckery is afoot here. Salary Cap circumvention at the very least. It just doesn't make sense and Gary Bettman better have some goddamn answers before the NHL returns from the holiday break. I won't stand for it. 

Good news, though, is that the Leafs waited until after they fired Mike Babcock to bring in Justin Bieber. Could you imagine if Babs was still there and that son of a bitch hopped onto the ice for practice? Hoooooo boy we might have seen a full blown murder.