"Don't Fuck With Cats" Is The Best True Crime Doc I've Ever Seen
True Crime. Its dominated the streaming services and the internet for years now. Honestly, its dominated our brains for all eternity. Theres something primal about a murder and the curiosity behind the mystery of who did it and why. Its a Basic Instinct of us humans. And so for like 5 straight years I’ve been watching The Jinx and Making a Murderer and listening to Serial. Ive been diving into the Laci Peterson murder and reading about owls with The Staircase.
But none…NONE…compare to the latest. Dont Fuck With Cats on netflix. It is A) the best true crime doc ive ever seen and B) the worst titled true crime doc I’ve ever seen. I saw that title and I thought it was like American Vandal. I thought it was a joke. A spoof. Then I heard it was actually about a video online of a person killing kittens and I still was hesistant, because I’ll be honest thats really not enough for me. I’m not a cat person. I’m not gonna watch a whole series about cats. Holy FUCKING SHIT was I wrong. It starts with cats but ends in the most insane murder case I’ve ever fucking seen. The people who created this doc deserve every award in the world but they also should be thrown in jail for the disservice they did to themselves with this awful goddam name. I cant imagine how many people are not watching based on the name. As soon as I tweeted saying how good it was I was hit with a slew of tweets of people saying they werent gonna watch on the name alone. Just a terrible misstep. The worst part is, they could have gone with something more traditional (although a bit boring, I admit) like “Copy Cat Killer.” It fits perfectly based on what he did and the cat video. Would have been just fine.
Anyway, back to the doc itself, with no spoilers. Its like a goddam movie script…which, if you watch, makes perfect sense. Fact is stranger than fiction with the clues and twists and turns. There are several jaw dropping moments but the ending is one of the most satisfying pay offs I’ve ever watched. Its like a Usual Suspects level ending but it happened in real fucking life. Just fascinating, disgusting and compelling that this was actually real life. Also a nice little extra or twist to this doc? One that I dont think they intended? A little bit of unintentional humor. You see, the focal point of the doc are these internet nerds who became obsessed with catching this cat killer and did an absolutely PREPOSTEROUS (and heroic) amount of research on this dude. Like had the police just listened to the nerds there would have been no case in the first place. BUT, despite them being the heroes they also provide a ton of fucking hysterical moments. When “Baudi Moovin” (Body Movin, Yea. See? These are the level of nerds we are talking about) says that the cat video reminded her of 9/11 I almost spit out my coffee. When they thought they found the killer and it was a guy on facebook named Jamesy Cramsalot Inhisass and they just KEPT SAYING “Crams a lot in his ass” I was fucking rolling. But honestly thats not the main takeaway I need to give them credit. What they did was an INSANE level of commitment (like, a creepy level. I think John Green should be arrested next for Pre Crime because anybody who does as much weird internet shit as that guys has definitely killed a kitten or ten in his own right. Probably why he took such an interest. Hes an expert himself. Kidding, you’re the best John. Plz dont murder my dog.) The detective work they did was amazing, literally saved lives, and most importantly made for incredible material for a true crime documentary.
Luka Magnotta is an all time villain. I mean ALL TIME. The vanity. The obsession with certain movies. The breadcrumbs he left. The victims he chose. The videos he made. Just truly heinous heinous shit. And the ending shows why hes a first ballot, hall of fame, unanimous sociopath that had the capability of killing hundreds of people.
Its the PERFECT documentary. Only 3 episodes long. You can bang it out in one sitting. And you’re absolutely going to want to. I was dead fucking tired last night, the only thing I wanted was my bed, and after like 30 minutes I was in for the long haul and knew there was no way I was stopping. Must watch, must watch, MUST WATCH.