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Is That Ten Rolls Of Stick Tape In His Pocket Or Is Chris Kreider Happy To Have A Huge Dick?

Am I gay? Maybe…but it’s not because I posted a pic some Stoolie sent me of Chris Kreider & his outrageous dong piece from a golf outing last year. If I’m late to the Kreider hog party, my bad – but here at Barstool we pay homage to anyone who swings a dick that no pants can contain (see Jon Hamm). It’d actually be gayer to not acknowledge it. This probably solves the mystery of how he broke his hand. If every time you take a leak is like wrestling with a fire hose, shit’s bound to go bad sometimes. I’m just amazed that Kreids manages to be one of the fastest skaters on the ice every night while having to wheel that kinda anchor with him.

Anyway, a Kreider & McDonagh-less Blueshirts squad went into Colorado and, after 40 minutes, looked like they were gonna come home with 6 of 8 points from their 4-game road swing. Going into a third period with the lead, the Rangers were 27-1-1…but by time those final 20 were done, they were lucky enough to make it to OT. The Avs absolutely annihilated the rest of the game, winning every single battle against the boards & pinning NY in their own zone. The only reason the Rangers didn’t cough up both points & were able to withstand a 16-3 3rd period shot disadvantage is because Lundqvist was a wall. He finally cracked in the last minute of regulation (thanks in part to a lame clearing attempt by Girardi) before getting worked in the shootout, but without him, his Blueshirts would’ve left empty handed.

Is it a big deal? I dunno. Sure, they didn’t play fully healthy but neither did Colorado. That’s no excuse. It was just a bummer for me to watch the Rangers squander an opportunity so close to the playoffs to prove they can steal games from the NHL’s best. Maybe I’m overreacting. It doesn’t have much of an effect on where they stand in the East right now. On the scale of letdowns, it’s more on the level of my mediocre dick as opposed to a letdown of Kreider-pipe proportions – but a letdown nonetheless.