Great News: Spygate 2 Hysteria is Nowhere Close to Being Over
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If you thought "Spygate 2: The Spy Who Bagged Me" was over, just because someone in the NFL leaked the video to Jay Glazer and it confirmed every single part of the Patriots explanation from Minute One:
Or if you assumed the story would be over quickly since the league has the video and there is no more evidence to be gleaned. Or you surmised that they had their guilty man since the Kraft TV producer who was in charge of the film crew fell on his sword, releasing a statement saying that it was entirely on him and his camera guy:
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Well then, congratulations. You are a sane, rational person with sound, logical judgment. The bad news is that there is no place for people like you and me in this world. Just like with "Spygate: The Original Series" and "Deflategate: The Wrath of Anti-Science Witch Hunters," we're arguing against bumper stickers. We're trying to be rational with irrational people. To explain facts to rage-fueled, willfully ignorant, Patriots Derangement sufferers who'll believe in anything as long as it falsely satisfies their explanations as to why this team has been winning for 20 years.
And so we're at it once again. In the Dark Ages trying to explain how an eclipse is happening to Flat Earthers who think the angry Moon Wolf is swallowing the Sun Goddess and if we don't throw a virgin into a volcano their crops will fail. And they'd rather confirm their own superstitions (and throw away a virgin) than listen to reason. Because believing Bill Belichick would get a press pass for a guy wearing Bruins gear to roll video of the backs of the Bengals coaches in full view of the rest of the Bengals staff validates their craziest conspiracy theories.
This one, for instance:
So here we are again. Time repeating itself. Just like Week 1 in 2015 when Mike Tomlin claimed the Pats were jamming his helmet signals with the Patriots radio play by play, we have to explain to Dan Orlovsky like he's a 4-year-old that the NFL controls the helmet systems. And that they go out at stadia all around the league. Including the one Mike Tomlin calls home. So if they have a beef with how bad the systems are, they can take it up with Roger Goodell.
But it's not about that. It's about explaining the Patriots inexplicable success. The one unpardonable sin they've committed isn't repeated cheating, it's continued success. It's not going away when they were supposed to after 2001. Like they say in "The Dark Knight," you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. And like they also say, let the Giants use a walkie talkie during a game or Ben Roethlisberger use a cellphone on the sidelines or the Browns GM text plays down to the coaches or the Falcons pump in crowd noise, nobody panics because it's all part of the plan. But let one TV production guy shoot B-roll of the Bengals asses? Well then everyone loses their minds!
Case in point:
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In those aforementioned instances of actual cheating, the teams got either a fine, had to drop a 4th round draft pick to the end of the round or got no punishment at all. But now guys like Jason Whitlock are demanding the sewers run red with Belichick's blood over something no rational person can honestly believe he was involved in. Just as punishment for his sustained excellence.
So something that should've been over as soon as the league got the video and it confirmed what Pats ownership has said all along, drags on. It's one week and counting. And apparently Ginger Satan has no intention of putting an end to this any time soon:
And so I'll sit here in the familiar position I've been in for the better part of a dozen years. Waiting for the NFL to overreact to some ridiculous Nothinburger Royale with Cheese allegation, for everyone to be outraged about how it's not enough, and waiting for the next phony scandal. While the Pats just keep winning.