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Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher, December 13, 2019

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Reader emailOnly weeks ago I was thinking you’d be scraping the bottom of the barrell for a 2019 SST All-star Team.  But the late season rally has been reminiscent of one of those vintage Tom Brady come-from-behind thrillers.

Leave it to Florida to come through in a big way. See photos below.

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FloridaA teacher at Dr. Michael M. Krop Senior High has resigned amid a police investigation into allegations she had sex with an adult student.

Kirsys Elizabeth Padron, 35, a language arts teacher at the Northeast Miami-Dade high school, resigned Tuesday following a visit from Miami-Dade Schools Police officers at the school. … School district records show Padron, who had been working at Krop, was hired by the district in 2014. Her name and information have been taken down from the school’s website. …

No details about Padron’s relationship with the adult male student were available. Padron’s teaching certificate could be suspended by the state’s Education Practices Commission if found to be guilty of “gross immorality or an act involving moral turpitude as defined by rule of the State Board of Education, including engaging in or soliciting sexual, romantic, or lewd conduct with a student or minor.”

The anonymous SSToolie who was kind enough to reach out to me with this effort has a very good point. 2019 did seem for a while to be a rather lesser year in Sex Scandal Teacher lore. A bit of downgrade from 2018, which is arguably the strongest entry in the long and glorious history of assigning letter grades to kooky women who sleep with their students. At least I thought that way until last night when I was going through the scores of teachers who made the grade this year. It was then that I realized, while it might not be last year, ’19 has nothing to be ashamed of. Which is to say, it has a lot to be ashamed of. Meaning it’s been a strong year for this sort of thing. And the Starting Lineup that will be out in a few weeks will do all SSToolies proud, I assure you.

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Which begs the question: Did Florida do it again or did Florida do it again?

The answer is … well, sorta. Make no mistake, Kirsys Elizabeth Padron could be one of the all time greats in the SST field. We just don’t know at this juncture. This is literally the only news report available. It has no details other than she was a accused and resigned. Which, while I’ll admit is not an admission of guilt and she could be as innocent as Caesar’s wife for all we know. So far she’s nowhere near the high bar set by her fellow Florida educators like Susan Weddle who has sex with the game sidepiece “hundreds” of times. And yet I’m going to go ahead and blog about her now because I sense future greatness. You don’t do these for as long as I have without getting a feel for them. So get on it, Florida law enforcement. The strength of the 2019 Starting Lineup depends on you.

The Grades:
Looks: I agree with the emailer in his assessment. She’s like “Showgirls” era Elizabeth Berkley. If she was asking my opinion, I’d say to set her makeup level to somewhere between Adam Lambert and full Kabuki, because the heavy layers aren’t doing her any favors. But beyond that, what’s not to like?
Grade: B+

Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: What more can I say? In spite of what that statute says, an allegation and a resignation are not “gross immorality or an act involving moral turpitude.” Not only is that not good enough for Florida, but when I’ve spent 15 years working for a guy who is talking about releasing a sex tape to pay off gambling losses, it’s not much by Barstool standards, either.
Grade: D+

Intangibles: “Kirsys, foiled again.” Or as Bruno Mars sings, “Shots of Padron and it’s on, girl.”
Grade: A

Overall: C-. There is work to be done on this one. But I believe in her.

Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 or email me at jerry@barstoolsports.com. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.