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Just Like Chief Is Out On Penguins, I'm Officially Out On Kangaroos

(NY Post)

A 6-foot-tall kangaroo with a “bad attitude” is terrorizing a small country town.

The maniacal marsupial has attacked three people — including a 72-year-old woman who was taking her dog for an early morning walk Wednesday in the rural village of Leyburn in Queensland, Australia.

Neighbor Kyran Sprott heard her screams and rushed out to find the unnamed senior sobbing on the ground.

“[I] just heard this yelling going out. It sounded like somebody was getting murdered,” he told 7News. “She was crying. She said a ‘roo attacked her. She was really shaken up and bleeding all over. I’ve got blood all over my arm.”

The woman was the victim of a sneak attack.

I really wish I had a video of this attack, not for comedic purposes, but to spread awareness.  Kangaroos are the WORST.  For some reason I always thought kangaroos were nice, homely animals that carried their babies around town in their belly sack pouch things.  Nope.  Turns out they’re real cock suckers.  Just assholes to the highest degree.  Biggest fuckwads in the animal kingdom.  I mean, beating up a 72 year old old lady?  You kidding me asshole?  And apparently this wasn’t an isolated incident, as this particular ‘roo has developed the rep of having a “bad attitude” and is a loose cannon.  Kinda like Carl.

And I’m not typically one to stereotype, but look at all of the shit kangaroos pull:


Wanna get in 18 on a beautiful summer morning in February*?  Not on a kangaroos watch.  Let your dog out to drop a rat?

Nope, can’t do it.  Kangaroos will try to strangle him for no reason other than he needed to drop a deuce.  It doesn’t even stop there.  Look at all of these videos of kangaroos being assholes:


So I am #done with kangaroos, heretofore.  Kinda like Chief is done with penguins, in what may very well be the weirdest non KB blog ever written on Barstool until this one.  Kangaroos can fuck right off.