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A Bunch Of Nuns Are Suing The Strip Club Next Door For Playing Loud Music While They're Trying To Pray

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STONE PARK, Ill. (AP) — A convent of nuns in suburban Chicago has filed a lawsuit against a neighbor, a strip club they say plays throbbing music while the nuns try to pray. The Sisters of St. Charles named Club Allure Chicago and the village of Stone Park in their lawsuit filed Friday in Cook County Circuit Court. They claim the club violates Illinois zoning laws, which require a 1,000-foot buffer between adult entertainment facilities and places of worship. The sisters’ property in Melrose Park includes three chapels. The strip club opened in the neighboring village of Stone Park in September. The sisters have seen “public violence, drunkenness and litter, including . empty whiskey and beer bottles, discarded contraceptive packages and products and even used condoms,” according to the lawsuit, which also mentions the “pulsating and rhythmic staccato-beat noise and flashing neon and or strobe lights” that disturb the nuns.

Hey, you bitchy nuns ever heard of a little thing called “Love thy neighbor”?  Bet you have.  Bet you’ve heard it a million times.  Also ever heard the saying “Practice what you preach”?  Bet you’ve heard that one a bunch too.  Well how about living by those lessons instead of calling in the lawyers the very second the going gets tough?  It’s called acceptance and understanding.  Something your boy Jesus was all about.  Those strippers and hookers have every right to be there just like you.  And just because you’re having a hard time reciting lines from the Good Book while sexually frustrated married men throw crinkled dollar bills at girls with daddy issues doesn’t mean you have a right to be angry.  That’s just life.  Different strokes for different folks.  Not to mention I bet this is all coming from a place of pure jealously.  The nuns are mad at their neighbors for being able to express themselves sexually while all they can do is repress their sexual feelings, pray and dream about what they would do to Jesus if it weren’t for that damn oath.  So all in all these nuns are hating their neighbor, not practicing what they preach and succumbing to jealousy.  Who’s really in the wrong here, ladies?