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Boner Dogs: The Final Pitch

Years of planning. Dozens of interviews. Tons of casting and pitches. And it all led up to this moment: the final pitch for Boner Dogs, a movie Mr. Cat and Mr. Commenter have had in the works for a while now, with the only road block standing in the way of a handful of Oscars being getting the green light from Adam Sandler and Kevin Garnett: Luckily, they were today’s guests on Pardon My Take, and it was time to see if they were all in or all out:

Mr. Commenter: Since Kevin is getting into the film industry, I’ve got a lucrative opportunity for you, and a prestigious opportunity if we’re being honest. With the names we have attached, we could really do something. It’s a movie, if you’d like to star in it, produce it, act in it.

Adam Sandler: Let me handle this.

Mr. Commenter: It’s for Kevin, not for you. It’s called Boner Dogs.

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Adam Sandler: So far, so good.

Mr. Commenter: ADAM!

Adam Sandler: I’m on your side.

Mr. Cat: Boner. Dogs. Dogs have boners.

Kevin Garnett: Growing pains boner?

Mr. Commenter: Adam, if I have a movie to pitch to you I’ll do it, but I’m talking to Kevin. This is his opportunity.

Kevin Garnett: Boner Dogs?

Mr. Commenter: So, it’s about a team of sled dogs, they make fun of the one who’s not really allowed to be the sled dog because he’s always got a boner.

(Adam Sandler laughing in background)

Mr. Commenter: You like it, Adam?

Adam Sandler: So far it’s good, yeah.

Mr. Commenter: And all the other dogs, they don’t have boners, but one does. It’s kind of like a Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer thing.

Adam Sandler: I’m laughing in a great way!

Mr. Cat: You’re nailing this pitch, PFT.

Mr. Commenter: OK, so they bring in this dog that has the boner, and he’s actually the one that saves the day at the end, because they got lost in the woods, but his boner drags through the snow. So Kevin, the people we have loosely attached, and this is all true, we’ve talked to all these people. We have David Spade, Jimmy Tatro, Lawrence Taylor, Rob Schneider, Kevin James, Kevin Hart, Chris Tucker, Chris Rock.

Adam Sandler: Who’s playing the Boner Dog?

Mr. Cat: Well, the boner itself is voiced by Will Ferrell.

Kevin Garnett: How many dogs do you have?

Mr. Commenter: We need nine dogs.

Mr. Cat: Are you in?

Kevin Garnett: I’m in!

Mr. Commenter: Adam, are you interested?

Adam Sandler: Executive producer kind of thing? Yeah.

Mr. Cat: If you want, it’s fine.

Mr. Commenter: So, Adam Sandler: Executive Producer of Boner Dogs. Also, this is kind of a good opportunity for both of you if we’re talking about Oscars. With this, we could even micro-target a category, so we’ll do an animated short overseas, so it’ll be eligible for a best animated short, but we’ll tape it in the Bahamas, and so we just get everybody to fly down there for a vacation, and then while you’re here, do the voice over for the Boner Dogs. And so you guys will be Oscar winners as well.

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Adam Sandler: It’s not all about that, but yeah, alright.

Mr. Commenter: You wouldn’t say no to an Oscar, right?

Adam Sandler: No, but I don’t live for it.

Mr. Commenter: This will be your second one after Uncut Gems.

Kevin Garnett: Let me see how serious you all are.

Mr. Cat: We have some renderings, you know, dogs have boners.

Adam Sandler: Dogs have boners and it’s always funny.

Well, that went as well as it possibly could have. Looks like we may have a movie, folks. I got the chills when Mr. Commenter read that cast list of stars who are *loosely* attached to this film. And now that we got the nod from Adam Sandler, momentum is certainly shifting in the favor of the No. 1 sports podcast. Stay tuned.

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