I remember when I first saw the video above. It change my view of penguins forever. We were always taught that penguins did one thing better than anyone in the animal kingdom…love and monogamy. They were a romantic bird. They were #Goals. Then one day I am just sitting home alone and get smacked across the face with one of their wings. The male penguin worked his ass off digging a beautiful hole for he and his wife to raise their chicks in. He comes home from the ocean one day after risking his life dodging seals, killer whales, and fucking sharks only to come home find out that his wife is waddling trifling HOE ass penguin. I was shocked and quite frankly, a little bit disillusioned with the whole idea of love and matromony. I mean if penguins can’t stay monogamous what chance do the rest of us have? It’s not like they have variables driving infidelity like alcohol or existential stress or money or cleavage and they still can’t be loyal.
Eventually I decided to write this off as an isolated incident. I mean, just because one or two penguins had marital issues doesn’t mean that all penguins were bad. I didn’t want to be a speciesist. I hadn’t thought a negative thought about Penguins besides Crosby in years…until today
Female penguins would be ‘pimped out’ with stones, but would sometimes run away with them after a courtship ritual, he said.
On top of that, Levick recorded instances of necrophilia – sometimes a year after one of the birds had died.
According to the book, Levick wrote his findings in Greek because they were too shocking to be read by the uneducated public.
Discussing his findings, he blamed what he called the penguins’ astonishing depravity’ on ‘hooligan males’.
‘Marooned for an Antarctic winter, Levick passed the time by becoming the first man to study penguins up close,’ the book’s publisher says.
‘His findings were so shocking to [Edwardian] morals that they were quickly suppressed and seemingly lost to history.
Sexual predation of chicks?! Prostitution?! Gang rape!? HAVING SEX WITH PENGUINS THAT HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR A FUCKING YEAR!?!?!? What fuck is going on down in Antarctica? We have known about this type of behavior for A HUNDRED YEARS and it was covered up, apparently, by a pro-penguin agenda. A massive conspiracy to protect the name of a bird that can’t fly, but will rape your dead wife. Absolutely disgusting. We can’t have this anymore. Penguins need to be canceled. We need to show the animal kingdom that this type of behavior is NOT to be tolerated. I mean if we let penguins pimp out their females for something as trite as a fucking pebble, what else will we ignore? It’s a slippery slope. I don’t know what the solution is, but a species this deviant deserves global warming. Cancel Penguins.