Reader Email - My Dog Revis Is Cursed, Should I Rename Him?

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KFC,
Attached is a picture of my dog, I got him about two years ago and I decided to name him revis after my favorite football player on the New York jets. Since I’ve gotten this dog revis has torn his acl, been traded to the buccaneers and now he has signed with the team I despise the most in life. My question to you is how do I handle this. I mean I have to call him a new name entirely right??? Muhammad??? Sheldon?? Seriously. FML

Sincerely,
A fucking pathetic jets fan.

Welp time to rename this little motherfucker, right? No other choice. First of all, you’re just a bad dog owner making this poor little bastard still walk around named Revis in a Jets household. Thats gonna breed nothing but hate and contempt for this little dude. So I’m not really joking when I say you should actually change his name. For his benefit and yours.

But more importantly little son of a bitch is cursed. Thank God you didn’t name him KFC or some shit. I would have choked on my own vomit in my sleep or something if you did. So I see your logic with considering Muhammad or Sheldon, but you’re thinking about it the wrong way. You have one choice and one choice only for your dog’s new name:

Brady.

Lets hope this little voodoo mutt can work his black magic on Tom Brady. Give it a couple seasons and Brady will be missing an arm and both his legs and he’ll go blind or some shit. Use Revis’ evil powers for good. Its the only option I see. Unfortunately when you bought your dog you got a lemon who had been hexed. Just accept it for what its worth and try to be constructive with it.

Hope I helped,

Also a fucking pathetic Jets fan