Gordon Bombay Is So Lucky He Got Out Of Coaching Hockey Years Ago
"There goes Jordie writing another Mighty Ducks blog again. How original!".
Just shut up, okay? This time it's actually topical. Because there has never been a worse time to be a hockey coach than at this very exact moment. That's not to say that some of these guys don't deserve exactly what they had coming to them but Mike Babcock was fired a few weeks ago because he's an asshole, Bill Peters was fired a few weeks ago for dropping N-bombs towards a black player and then doubling down on it like a bigoted piece of shit, and then today the Dallas Stars have fired their head coach Jim Montgomery for "unprofessional conduct".
Again, for guys like Bill Peters? Yeah. See ya later, asshole, and hopefully later is never. And for Jim Montgomery? Well we're still not sure exactly what happened yet so there's always a chance that the Dallas Stars 100% made the right decision here. I feel like we'd hear from Dan Carcillo already if this had anything to do with just being mean to player, so I have a feeling there's maybe something more going on here. But the fact of the matter is that it's a brutal time to be a hockey coach right now to say the least. All 31 head coaches around the league are looking back and everything they did and said over the past 20 years and are praying nothing comes back to bite them in the ass. And for a guy like Gordon Bombay--well he has to be ecstatic that he's no longer in the coaching biz.
Could you imagine how fast Bombay would get fired nowadays? I mean Bombay probably would have never been hired in the first place if he was just getting into coaching today. The only reason he ended up with the District 5 Ducks in the first place was because he was court ordered after a DUI arrest. If that was today, those parents would be threatening to sue the league if they hired him. But even if he did get hired, he'd be fired the very first minute he showed up to practice and drove a limo out onto a frozen pond with a bunch of kids in it. It wouldn't matter if Bombay knew that pond better than anybody else and knew the ice wouldn't crack. Parents don't give a shit about facts, they'd just want to cancel his ass.
We're about 5 minutes into Gordon Bombay's tenure and he's already been fired twice. But what about when we actually get out on the ice? Imagine if Goldberg goes home today and tells his mommy and daddy about this fun little drill at practice?
Fired!
Or imagine if the Hall brothers went home and told their parents about the new nickname for their line, the "Oreo Line"?
Fired!
Or what about the fact that he was just out there taking Charlie's mom to Plow Town?
Fired!
And if he's not getting cancelled for banging Charlie's mom, he's sure as shit getting cancelled once Charlie's mom finds out that he's also banging the trainer from Team Iceland.
Listen. I've made it very clear over the years that I'm the biggest Gordon Bombay supporter on the planet. I will defend this man until the day I end up in a grave. But the fact of the matter is that a Gordon Bombay simply could never exist in the year 2019. And as we're starting to see, neither are the majority of these coaches. Maybe every NHL team can just have one of the player's parents volunteer to coach for the rest of the season.
