Its the season of Lent. 40 days and 40 nights of sacrifice to prepare you for Jesus dying. Or some shit like that. Something about a desert and fasting. If you believe Ancient Aliens, there was never any fasting. Jesus probably had a Manna Machine powered by the Ark of the Covenant (i.e. a nuclear reactor) that somehow fabricated food out of algae in the desert of something. But thats neither here nor there. Lent is upon us and that means 2 things:
1. Tony Reali will go on television with soot smeared all over his head tomorrow:
I’m kinda hoping Reali takes it up a notch this year. Just goes full African American Face (I’m officially afraid to even say Blackface) with the ashes.
2) Its the season to think about all the things you should give up that you won’t. I got a fucking slew of shit to pick from. Donuts, booze, porn, TV. All the things that basically make me, me. Those are the 4 things that define me. And they are all candidates for shit I should “give up.” Well we all know that ain’t happening. Almost every year on Barstool I’ve given Stoolies the option to pick the one thing I give up but nobody comes up with anything realistic. Its just like 100 commenters saying “you should give up sucking dick for Lent!” So I think I’m going to actually try one out this year that’s realistic. For the next 40 days and 40 nights I will not say the phrase “your boy.” And unless Jesus is a real son of a bitch he should recognize thats a pretty big sacrifice for your boy KFC. That was the last one since its technically not Wednesday yet.