Bad News, Guys: Turns Out The "Pull-Out Method" Is Tied To Unplanned Pregnancies

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Many young women use the “pull-out method” for birth control, and they tend to have more unintended pregnancies than other women, a new study suggests. Researchers compiling surveys from more than 2,000 women ages 15 to 24 found 31 percent had used the pull-out method, also known as withdrawal or coitus interruptus, over the last two years. Of those women, 21 percent reported having an unintended pregnancy. In contrast, 13 percent of women who only used other forms of birth control got pregnant unintentionally. “We found that people tend to use the withdrawal method when they’re not really planning ahead,” Dr. Annie Dude, a resident in obstetrics and gynecology at the Duke University Medical Center in Durham, North Carolina, and lead author of the paper, said. “It’s a lot more common than many people realize,” she told Reuters Health. And, Dude added, her study shows withdrawal doesn’t work as well as other birth control methods for avoiding unintended pregnancies.

Whoa. Hold the fucking phone here for just a second. You mean to tell me that putting a naked dick in a vagina and pulling it out a nanosecond before you cum isn’t foolproof? Come on! Feel just like I did when I found out Santa wasn’t real. But, that’s why I’ve always pulled out WAY early. Like I pull out so early that I wouldn’t even consider what I do sex. I just exercise and workup a sweat and then jerkoff sitting next to a girl. That’s basically what sex is for me.

More importantly though, who knew that “pulling out” was also called “coitus interruptus”? That is one HUNDRED percent what I’m calling it from now on. It sounds like a fucking spell from Harry Potter. Just pull out and cum on her belly and yell COITUS INTERRUPTUS! Best move ever.