People Who Make The Most Money Have Sex 4 Times A Week

(HuffPo)– The next time you consider using the headache excuse to avoid getting busy, think about this: It pays to have more sex. Literally, new research finds. People who have sex four times or more a week earn higher wages than their less-sexually active colleagues at a statistically significant level, according to a discussion paper from Nick Drydakis, a fellow at the Institute for the Study of Labor, a private, independent organization focused on labor market research. To come up with the findings, Drydakis, who is also an economics lecturer in the business school at Cambridge, England-based Angila Ruskin University, analyzed a year-long survey of 7,500 Greek households. The survey asked the representative sample respondents how many times they had sex per week, whether they were employed, how much money they made and how many hours per week they worked, among other questions.

Well I guess my poverty makes a little more sense now. It’s because I don’t fuck. I’m poor because the closest thing I get to sex is when I lay my head down at night and jerk off to the sound of my neighbors fucking (yes that’s a threesome). That’s it. Has nothing to do with a lack of ambition, poor grades in school and an ever worse career choice. It’s all just because girls don’t drop their pants for big-nosed, big-titted bloggers. They’re what’s ruining my life… women! If they just sucked my dick a little more I’d be fucking King Midas! Goddammit you little prudes, you’re ruining my life!