If I Don't Need Tommy John Surgery After Tonight, I Fucked Up

So I’m laying on the couch, eating some fried food last week and I get a call from Big Cat.  Now Big Cat doesn’t just “call” me as I’ve said before.  This is the second time he’s done this, and both times I’ve seen his name pop up and think, “oh fuck what did I do?”

The first time?  Well that was in October and I was in NYC for an hour and flew back to Chicago after Dente wouldn’t let me upstairs.  Thanks Ellie.

But this time is different – flew out Saturday AM and got to the office yesterday.  I wasn’t leaving anything to chance.   Good thing I did because it’s currently pissing snow outside and I’m sure there will be delays at all NYC area airports throughout the day.

But tonight it’s finally on.  Mouse vs. Rocket.  Jared controls my destiny home, should he beat me.  Now I throw about 6 pitches a year at this stage of my life – 2x a season I’ll do the speed pitch at a Sox game.  I light that bitch up:


Is that gun juiced?  Yeah, a little.  I’d guess with a crow hop I’d be 85-87ish so long as I’ve consumed 8+ great tasting, less filling Miller Lites and stop caring about potentially tearing my shoulder or elbow apart.

So the plan is this: go to my hotel, consume 8+ Miller Lites, show up back at the office around 6:45 and throw my arm out.  I don’t want that private jet, I need that private jet.  With my luck I’ll either

Now I will also say this – the gun we currently have is SLOW.  We rented the speed pitch set up from legit carnies and it’s a gun brand I’ve never heard of (I’m a scout remember) and they’re “15-17 years old” per the carnie and his son who set it up yesterday.  NOT COOL FAM.  Brandon Walker, Spider, Dave Blattman and JackMac will back me up here.

No excuses though.  If I don’t need Tommy John tomorrow I fucked up.

OFFICIAL RULES (copy and pasted from Dente’s blog)

– Every $10k we sell, White Sox Dave throws a pitch.
– White Sox Dave’s average pitch speed throughout the night determines how he returns home.
– Every $40k we sell, Carribas earns a pitch at the end of the night.
– Every time one of Carriabas’s pitches exceeds White Sox Dave’s average, it knocks him down a tier.

85 & Up: Private Jet
80-84: First Class
75-79: Coach
70-74: Spirit
65-69: Train
60-64: Bus
59 & Under: New Uber Every 20 Miles


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