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WE GOT A BOAT WATCH EPIDEMIC IN MINNESOTA

Alexa enhance. 

Well I'll be damned. Up in the twin cities this is a daily occurrence. Imagine that next time you see Summer Solstice cruising down the Chicago river throwing train beers to my metra commuters in celebration of surviving one more day.

But Carl, what's a Summer Solstice?

But Carl, what's a boat watch? 

I don't want to repeat myself for the sake of brevity but fine I'll repeat myself. I'm basically the guy you call when you don't know what to do with your boat. And last time I checked (right now) I have a 100% success rate. 

If you're confused, don't worry. You're not alone. I'm still coming to understand the strength of extent of my Boat Watch powers myself and it hasn't been easy. 

That said, it sounds like St. Paul / Minneapolis (figure it out up there) needs help. And I'm here to offer it. Anyone who knows anything knows that government contracts are fucking HUGE and spoiler alert Minnesota is cleaning up right now:

If someone can afford my services, it's these guys DONCHAKNOW. In return, my conservative asking price is lifetime rights to drink great tasting less fillings on board. Nothing more nothing less. That's Boat Watch Code.