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Great News Unless You're Glenny: The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Has Been *Officially* Cancelled

From Elle

It's confirmed: The 2019 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show has *officially* been canceled. 

After months of speculation and comments from VS Angels like Shanina Shaik, who told The Daily Telegraph the show was canceled back in July, Stuart B. Burgdoerfer, chief financial officer and executive vice president of L Brands, finally confirmed the news during a conference call on Thursday, WWD reports.

Great news, everyone! And yeah, we've sort of known all this unofficially for a hot minute, except for Glenny Balls who just discovered all this today & brought it to my attention. Fran & other desk-neighbor witnesses can back me up on this when I say I literally heard him quietly, sadly whisper to himself, "I can't believe it" as he scrolled through this news on his laptop.

Well believe it, Balls. The times they are a changin', and soon Victoria's Secret stores will be rarer than the burgers you review on the daily.

The company has been in a downward spiral for years, which has only been accelerated as investors & buyers recoil following reports that Les Wexner, chief executive of Victoria’s Secret parent 'L Brands', has some serious ties to Jeffrey Epstein. (According to Forbes, Epstein managed Wexner’s money for decades⁠—and was given Wexner’s power of attorney⁠—with many speculating that the billionaire was Epstein’s only client.)

Not to mention top leadership have been complete jabronis when it comes to acknowledging that customers come in all shapes, sizes and colors. After the controversies of previous show years, the changes they've made since then seem disingenuous to artists & fans surrounding the fashion industry. And as they've slowly tried to catch up, other brands have been more than happy to step in. 

And I mean, c'mon, even our own Chaps knows people are built in all sorts of ways… Weird boobs & long, rubber-snake nipples need support, too!

Also, not sure if you could tell but I'm a little biased & have my own private beef with VS. Several months ago I was going on a trip to see about a guy & knew the scraggly old Hanes & bras I joke about simply wouldn't do. For the sake of saving time I ran into the Victoria's Secret across from the 34th St. subway stop after work and sheesh… 

The second I was in the door salespeople descended upon me like seagulls on a fallen chunk of Italian hoagie down the Jersey shore. Before I could even browse I was scooped up & shuttled to a dimly lit dressing room where my newly assigned bra lady fit me & went off to find me fresh boob holsters. 

Somehow the bras were D-cup sizes but they kinda fit?!?! I'm a B on a good day and was like, "Holy shit has there been a miracle? Did my tits finally grow at age 33?"

And in that dark, flattering lighting with a pile of fancy-pants D bras, I was able to magically overlook the large gaps at the top of the cups & I was sold. I wanted to believe! And each of those crap bras cost like $65 for no reason & don't last that long anyway, but I'm a sucker. 

So now I have a drawer full of cute bras that don't fit me right that I hate, and I wear the same thread-bare, boring, tan oldies instead. What I'm trying to say is, I believe there's a conspiracy going where they trick women into thinking their boobs are bigger than they are to make a sale. 

But anyways, take heart, don't feel sad Glenny and Kate (me)…!!! For there are plenty of other lingerie companies out there who have fun, creative styles, and have everybody covered, er, semi-covered, no matter your build. And as a bonus, none of these have ties to what's-his-face. 

Cue the pandering-lingerie-thread (but with styles from comfy, to super sexy, to cute that I actually really love even if I can't quite pull all of them off)(for deep wedgie reasons)….