Mattel Has Released A "Nonpartisan" Game Of Uno With No Red Or Blue Cards To Apparently Prevent Political Arguments From Breaking Out At Thanksgiving Dinners Across America
Whether you lean a little left or a little right, one thing we can all agree on is how much we love UNO®! Bring your family and friends together with this nonpartisan edition of UNO®. Without Red or Blue cards the focus can stay on the game. And remember to yell “UNO!” before you reach across the aisle and play your last card!
Cuncel da Uno and maybe da entire United States of America! I would never dare tell a pack of cards to stick to games, but stick to fucking games Uno. If assholes want to argue about politics on Thanksgiving, they are going to do it no matter what while the rest of of us rational people debate if its better to listen to the nonsensical rants that will change nobody's opinion, stick our heads in the oven next to the turkey, or watch the Lions play football.
Taking the red or blue out of the game isn't going to take the fight out of the blowhard. Uncle Mike is going to find a way to bring up why he hates the libs or the MAGAs regardless of if he changed the color from yellow to red, yellow to orange, or collected $200 simply for passing Go because that's just how Thanksgiving has apparently always worked in this great country, not just since the internet has broken our brains (Not in the Casa de Clem however, where we have never given a fuck about that nonsense, but I digress). And if you throw the No Politics card from Nonpartisan Uno in Uncle Mike's face, Uncle Mike just may throw his hands in your goddamn face.
And save me the reasoning that eliminating red and blue from the deck is going to stop people from getting into fights. You know what's worse than being told your political allegiance is trash? Getting peppered with a gaggle of Draw Twos before a few well-placed Skip and Reverses turn you into a spectator followed by a fucking Wild Card Draw Four getting dropped on your head like a nuke. If you aren't looking to engage in fisticuffs with the closest family member after they force you to pick up four cards as the word "Uno" was one round away from being whispered from your lips followed by having to pick up ten more cards because they changed the color to green without you having anything close to green or a Wild Card in your hand, you simply don't have the fight gene in your body.
So instead of playing Uno, why don't you buy a box of Answer The Internet where you can counter the awkwardness of Uncle Mike's political questions with diabolical questions from the pits of the internet like "Would you bang your cousin to win Powerball" or "Your mom and the girl of your dreams are drowning. You can only save one but afterwards you have to fuck whoever you save".
Blogger's Note: To be honest, I didn't think I would be plugging something from the Barstool store when I started this blog. But debating what is the fiercest animal you could kill or what your 12-hour crime spree would be during the Purge seems a billion times more fun than talking drunkenly yelling about impeachment and who are/aren't snowflakes. Did Barstool Sports just save your Thanksgiving dinner? You tell me. But if it did, you have to buy the ugly Christmas sweater I came up with this year. Fair is fair
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