#TBT - The Greatest Rant In The History Of Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sausage

It's called TBT for a reason guys calm the fuck down.

Randy Taylor. 

Idk where you people come from. Idk if you test your products... Your quality of your products... 

Your products are very delicious. 

Love your sausage for 30 something years but I cant take and feed a family of 5 on a little 12-ounce roll of sausage. 

I don't mind paying you a little more money for 16 ounce roll of sausage. But you don't have it anymore. You got a 12 ounce roll. And you got 3 men who weigh over 200 pounds a piece. A woman that's a little plump. Tough girl. And a daughter who's 13 and you gon' try and take a 12 ounce roll of sausage and a couple o dozen eggs and feed that? It ain't gonna work and I'm not gonna purchase your product any more, or ever again. 

And as far as 16 your ounce Maple & Sage - I don't eat that. I'm not from the north. I'm a Texas man. Jimmy Dean Sausage is for Southern people to eat with their breakfast. With their fried eggs. And their T-bone steaks and I can't see going to a little 12-ounce package to feed 4-5-6 people. And I'm not gonna buy 2 of those 12-ounce packages just because you want to downsize and charge the same goddamn price. 

I'd sure like a reply and I'd sure like you to go back to your 16-ounce package on your regular sausage cause I'm not gonna buy it otherwise. I'll just have my own damn sausage made like I used to 30-something years ago. 

It's not as tasty as yours is but it'll work. 

Goodbye. 

(In background to his wife)

Little 12-ounce goddamn roll of sausage supposed to feed your brother and me and you 600 pounds of men AT LEAST - get my point? And the two girls. And they put it in that fucking pussy roll of sausage. Son of a bitch. Somebody needs their ass kicked. Some of consumer geek of theirs fucked this shit up. (Saving Money, Saving Money). Yeah. Save money! Save Money! Well fuck I wanna eat goddamnit.

There's a little bit of Randy Taylor in all of us when you really think about. Could be your breakfast sausage consumption patterns. Could be the lotion you like to rub your dick with. Could be a job or another winter with the significant other you've been meaning to break up with. Fact is No One Likes Change. 

And at first taste, you get a sense Randy Taylor is man of great need. A guy who is struggling to put food on the table. The extra 0.80 ounce increase to breakfast-sausage-per-Taylor-family-member ratio seems important. 

As if they'd starve without it.

"I can't feed my family of five on a little 12-ounce roll of sausage" 

But then you start to realize it's about principle. He's Got The Money, he says, along with dozens of eggs and enough t-bones to be casually referenced. And at a combined 600 pounds, the three Taylor boys might actually benefit from a 20-25% dietary reduction in highly processed animal byproduct. In other words, there's plenty of compelling reasons to classify this as Not A Huge Deal, Randy. 

And that's when you remember. 

We're dealing with a Randy here, one of the most unpredictable subsecies of men. Rick is probably the most dangerous. But anytime you mix in a Randy all hell can break loose. It doesn't matter if you're still offering Maple & Sage, Randy is gonna come for that ass. And when he does, you better not swing that fucking 12-ounce pussy roll of breakfast sausage.