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A Homeless Guy Dumped a Bucket of 'Hot Diarrhea' on a Woman's Head. The Fall of Civilization Remains Ahead of Schedule

Source - A night near the Hollywood Walk of Fame would change a woman's life, as she was getting into her car and a homeless man sprinted across Hollywood Boulevard toward her.

Heidi Van Tassel was parked in Hollywood after having a pleasant evening out with friends at an authentic Thai restaurant. Suddenly a man randomly pulled her out of the car, dragged her out to the middle of the street, and dumped a bucket of feces on her head, Van Tassel said and public records confirm.

"It was diarrhea. Hot liquid. I was soaked, and it was coming off my eyelashes and into my eyes," Van Tassel said. "Paramedics who came to treat me said there was so much of it on me, that it looked like the man was saving it up for a month."

Van Tassel was rushed to Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital after the grotesque attack, where she was tested for infectious diseases caused by contact with feces. She'll need to be retested every three months.

If I've learned anything in a lifetime I've spent semi-paying attention to the world, it's that it's damned near impossible to get everyone on board with a cause, no matter how noble and important it is. The cheap, lazy rhetorical gimmick of WhatAboutism always gets thrown in your face by somebody. Try to raise money to build a playground someone's going to ask why you're not trying to help the shelter animals that get put to death every day. Try to get shelter animals adopted and they'll accuse you of caring more about them than you do people. Ask for donations to help fight cancer and someone will lecture you about how we need to cut health care costs. Tell your kids to clear the table for mom and you can half expect a diatribe about how Climate Change is going to kill them all soon anyway and thanks a lot for that, Boomer. 

And here we have a prime example of a cause that should unite us all. Where we can all find common ground, be in total agreement on and come together in complete unanimity and solve it. I say "should," but probably won't. 

Call me a One Issue guy, call me what you will. But when we've got homeless guys dumping a month's worth of stored up, and yet somehow still hot, diarrhea over the head's of pedestrians, we have no greater national priority. We need to organize, mobilize and energize to solve this problem. And do it five minutes ago. Nothing else takes precedence over this. I'm all about supporting the troops, helping the needy and cleaning up the planet. But even the Wounded Warriors, the poor and the environmentalists will take a back seat in the fight against buckets of hot diarrhea dumped over heads. 

This calls for more than just lip service. More than just EMTs treating victims at the scene, hospital follow ups and tetanus shots. This calls for the kind of unified effort America put forth to win World Wars and go to the moon. If it means rounding up every homeless guy sleeping on the streets of every city and putting them up in a $400,000 McMansion in the suburbs with two cars and a butler, it's a small price to pay to make sure this never happens again. 

How many more? How many more Heidi Van Tassels must be thrown into Silkwood showers and pick chunks of homeless guy dung out of their eyelashes before we take this threat seriously? The time for half measures is over. No more slapping a bandaid on this problem. There is not enough Purell in the national supply to make this go away. Candidates in the 2020 race: If you want our votes, you know what to do. Give us your plan for solving the Hot Bucket of Diarrhea problem that is plaguing our urban centers. The other issues are all secondary. The future of our democracy depends upon it.