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New Winter-Proof Cockroach Invading NYC

Periplaneta japonica


NEW YORK (AP) The High Line, a park that turned a dilapidated stretch of elevated railway on Manhattan’s West Side into one of New York’s newest tourist attractions, may have brought a different kind of visitor: a cockroach that can withstand harsh winter cold and never seen before in the U.S. Rutgers University insect biologists Jessica Ware and Dominic Evangelista said the species Periplaneta japonica is well documented in Asia but was never confirmed in the United States until now. The scientists, whose findings were published in the Journal of Economic Entomology, say that it is too soon to predict the impact but that there is probably little cause for concern. “Because this species is very similar to cockroach species that already exist in the urban environment,” Evangelista said, “they likely will compete with each other for space and for food.” That competition, Ware said, will likely keep the population low, “because more time and energy spent competing means less time and energy to devote to reproduction.” Michael Scharf, a professor of urban entomology at Purdue University, said the discovery is something to monitor. “To be truly invasive, a species has to move in and take over and out-compete a native species,” he said. “There’s no evidence of that, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be concerned about it.” Periplaneta japonica has special powers not seen in the local roach population; it can survive outdoors in the freezing cold.

Alright well this is officially strike three for this God forsaken city. First it was the mutated snakehead fish that could breath and survive outside of water ruining the Central Park ecosystem. Then it was the flesh eating, testicle chomping pacu infiltrating the waters of New Jersey. And now we got cockroaches with goddam super powers invading New York City. Oh did I mention dead deer in garbage cans? 4 strikes. I mean Christ almighty folks how many more signs do we need? The End of Days is nigh. And yet here we all stand, still paying out of our assholes to living on this death trap island known as Manhattan. Don’t be fucking surprised when the Cloverfield monster just walks right out of the Hudson and rips through this city. These Arctic roaches with special powers are probably that monster’s army or some shit.

All I’m saying is we’re all inevitably gonna be decapitated by the Knockout Game or overrun by these mutated animals so I think its just about time to Cuncel New York City. Gonna need Ra’s al Ghul to come wipe us out so we can start over.