Gritty Has Been Assassinated In Denver. A Nation Weeps

Just when you think this world can’t get any uglier, this senseless violence seeps into the world of lovable mascots. Rocky went from rogue rascal to cold-blooded assassin in just one offseason. And of all the mascots to put in the crosshairs, he took out Gritty, our beloved Gritty. A man who was simply trying to entertain and terrify the masses one hockey game at a time. Gone but never forgotten. RIPIP Gritty: 2018-2019.

I cannot imagine the good people of Philadelphia will take this attack laying down. No sir. You think the Archduke Ferdinand assassination had a butterfly effect, just wait ’til you see the fallout from this. My early prognosis is that this is what finally splits the country apart once and for all as droves of Delconians march west with an unquenchable bloodlust for Rocky’s flesh, tearing cities along the way limb from limb like Vikings setting siege to homes and capital buildings alike. An eye for eye would be light recompense for this unthinkable, reckless act. You can trash Ben Franklin’s grave, you can mock Ben Simmons inability to shoot a jumpshot outside of the paint, but you can never, EVER go after Gritty. Let alone put a bullet in between his eyes in broad daylight. For shame, Rocky, for you know not what you’ve done.