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Giving Out Fake Phone Numbers To The Elderly (Specifically Mike Portnoy) Is Cruel Yet Delightfully Entertaining

In case you haven’t noticed – and judging by the numbers, you haven’t – Cousin Mike and my father, Cousin PatPutter, want to set up a playdate in Philadelphia for next week. Do I approve of my Dad and the father of my boss who hates me becoming friends? I’m not allowed to have an opinion. Regardless, this has somehow become even more of an unnecessary endeavor than anyone has imagined. Cousin Mike has requested my father’s phone number no less than 4,000 times, and I finally gave him some digits:

Have a Hall & Oates emergency? Call 719-26-OATES (266-2837)

Good times had by most. At this point, I give Cousin Mike a “Real” number…TO OUR OWN FUCKING SHOW. A number that is repeated ad nauseam dozens of times a show for over 400 episodes. So what happens? Chaos. Absolute anarchy of the mind:

And there you have it. Tune in 9-10 M-F on Sirius Xm Barstool 85 for more of…whatever the hell goes on. Until then, let’s slay:

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