As Long As He Promises Not To Be A Double Agent, The Eagles Should Sign Dez Bryant

The Eagles have never had any luck when it comes to employing former Cowboys. I'm almost entirely convinced that's because Jerry Jones pays these guys behind the scenes to come to Philly and completely fuck everything up. DeMarco Murray, Orlando Scandrick, Miles Austin to an extent. That creepy old bitch Jerry Jones is just sending over a bunch of double agents to tear this team down from the inside out. Which is why I'd be super hesitant at first when Dez ends up calling the Eagles because he knows that this team can't catch for shit and already have a history of signing 30+ year old receivers this year. 

However, if Dez Bryant sits there and swears to god that he's not a double agent being sent to Philly by Jerry Jones? Well then I think Howie Roseman should at least hear him out. Because here's the thing--the Dez Bryant comeback tour is going to happen and if the Eagles don't sign him, well then you can pretty much guarantee that he is going to end up burning this team for another touchdown at some point. 

I don't even really want to sign Dez Bryant to score touchdowns for the Eagles as much as I'd like to sign Dez Bryant to make sure that he doesn't score touchdowns against the Eagles. The last thing that needs to happen is for Dez Bryant to throw on a Patriots uniform and torch the Eagles' secondary for a 75-yard touchdown next week. Last thing that needs to happen is for Dez Bryant to sign in Seattle so that he can torch the Eagles' secondary for a 75-yard touchdown immediately after Josh Gordon torches the Eagles' secondary for one. Last thing that needs to happen is for the Eagles to miraculously find themselves in the playoffs only to get torched by Dez Bryant who signed back with the New Orleans Saints. 

Basically what I'm saying is that the Dez Bryant comeback is going to screw over the Eagles in one way or another, so you might as well just put him on your team to be safe. But again, he needs to swear off Jerry Jones for life.