Sending The Chargers To London Would Finally Put An End To The Revolutionary War
The Athletic - The Athletic has learned through NFL sources that the possibility of the Chargers moving to London has been broached among league personnel. The Athletic also has learned that, while the team is fully committed to Los Angeles where it will move into the new $4.5 billion stadium with the Rams next year, the Chargers would at least listen if the NFL approached them about London as a possible option.
Finally, The Athletic has learned that NFL owners are concerned enough about the Chargers’ situation in L.A., where a crowded sports market and the presence of the more established Rams has resulted in a tepid embracement of the Chargers, that they would provide the necessary support for a relocation to London if the Chargers pursue it.
In other words, London offers the Chargers and the NFL an immediate and rare opportunity to fix a glaring problem in a way that checks off multiple boxes, both for the franchise and the league.
About 244 years ago a bunch of Americans beat the piss out of the British because we didn't fuck with their shit anymore and we wanted to do our own thing. The British were a bunch of dorks who wore powdered wigs, talked like assholes, had horrible teeth and thought that tea was better than coffee. So a group of guys all got together in Philadelphia, wrote the greatest breakup letter known to mankind, and then smacked the shit out of them until they all jumped back into their ships and ran away overseas with their tails tucked between their legs.
Fast forward to the year 2019 and my how the tables have turned. It is now the United States of America that is going to impart our ways onto the British and get them to be more like us. And what better way to do that than to send an NFL team over there full time? But not just any NFL franchise, we're talking about the most perfect franchise for those blokes to learn what it truly means to be an American football fan.
You see, you can't just send the biggest shitbag team in the NFL over to London because after a couple of seasons they would just be done with them and try to send them back. We also wouldn't want to send over any of our actually good teams either because you'd never want to take the risk of the Lombardi Trophy ending up in England. But the San Diego Los Angeles Chargers of Inglewood? Now that right there is the the Goldilocks of the NFL.
If you send the Chargers over to London, those Brits will immediately learn what it's like to get your hopes up for your favorite team only for those hopes and dreams to come crashing down catastrophically when it matters the most. It will teach them everything they need to know about heartbreak and how sports will constantly trample your will to survive. Will the Chargers go 12-4 or will they go 4-12? You never know. All you can be sure of is that your heart is going to get ripped out of your chest at some point during the season, and that's what being a sports fan is all about.
So to give the people of London that experience and for that to be their existence every year from September to February (but usually the middle of January at best)? Well that's the final nail in the coffin for the Revolutionary War. Not only did we fight to not be a part of Great Britain, but now we're taking over London as our own. Enjoy the misery, fuckers.