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We Survived The BUSH! (ZAHNNIE DOES ZIMBABWE UPDATED #3)

Alright finally back on WIFI after living in a tent in the middle of the African Bush (Mana Pools National Park to be exact) for the last 2 days.  Zah was more than a little excited  to make it back to civilization.

Living amongst wildlife you usually only see in Zoos was some truly incredible shit. Sometimes I couldn’t even walk from my tent to Zah’s tent unless I felt like being bulldozed by an elephant.

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We got some crazy footage and photos of all sorts of animals including lions feasting on a freshly killed buffalo, an elephant that sadly passed away during childbirth, and WAY too many impalas as they’re too god damn agile for other animals to bother murdering.

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I’m gonna wait to share most of that content until the videos come out though so let’s just discuss the hippo in the room.

Yes, I did go #HippoMode with hippos.

And yes, I understand that they kill 500 humans a year in Africa, that they are insanely territorial, and that they can move as fast as a motorboat. But trust me, I’m not too shabby in the water myself. My relay team was ranked in New England back when I was 9 (I swam the breast-stroke leg of it). And I was far enough from them and literally right next to the river bank so the moment they even twitched an ear I’d be well on my way to the concrete bathroom stall 20 feet away which would have kept me safe (I think). I also had 6 eyeballs keeping a look out for incoming crocs. The one thing I didn’t take into consideration was flesh eating bacteria which the folks on the internet are saying exists in African rivers and will devour my brain. I definitely didn’t sign up for that shit but I’m feeling pretty chipper today. #positivevibesonly

Ok now back to people doubting my swimming ability. I joked with Zah and Donny that we should film a video at our hotel pool of me demolishing Steven Cheah’s intimidating 4 minute treading water challenge.  Zah and Donny immediately both bet me $100 I couldn’t even make it 10 minutes. Our guide, Farai AKA Fuzz, who used to swim water polo, agreed with them. Am I going crazy here? I thought the narrative was that Steven Cheah lasting only 4 minutes was pathetic and any normal aquatic-minded human could do 15? I texted my mom though and she agrees that’s free money for me.

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Unfortunately though, we can’t find a pool that is deeper than my height so Zah and Donny are now getting cold feet because they think I’m going to cheat and touch the bottom. Uhhh ever heard of honor and integrity?

16dxuzBack to our guide FUZZ. Guy is the man. The key to any great trip in a country that I know nothing about and can’t speak the language is a knowledgable guide who also understands we aren’t trying to take things too seriously. This guy checks all the boxes.

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In fact, he’s slowly turning into an amazing  hybrid of me and a hockey guy which I love.

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*He actually has no idea Pink Whitney exists, I guess “Pink Drinks” are just what Zimbabweans call fancy cocktails.

Gonna sign off now as it’s midnight out here and I’m being attacked by potentially malaria infested mosquitos but rest peacefully knowing that swimming with hippos will be by far the stupidest thing I do on this trip. Smooth sailing from here on out! Will be posting updates on my IG story so follow along if you want to track our chances of survival.