Study Says Semen Is The Newest Superfood

(NBC) — Certain females consume male ejaculate and sperm as if they were food, using the nutrients to fuel their own bodies as well as their eggs, according to new research. The study, published in the journal Biology Letters, adds yet another dimension to the battle between the sexes. “If males have their sperm consumed, rather than used for egg fertilization, they will lose that reproductive opportunity. Therefore, it is in the male’s best interests to try to ensure at least some of his sperm reaches the female’s eggs,” lead author Benjamin Wegener, a researcher at Monash University’s School of Biological Sciences, explained to Discovery News. According to Columbia Health, human male ejaculate contains fructose sugar, water, ascorbic acid (a.k.a. Vitamin C), citric acid, enzymes, protein, zinc and more. It reads like the list of ingredients for a protein-infused sports drink.

Love studies like this. Always get a kick out of them. I mean what is the medical researcher field, 99% men? So I just picture a bunch of nerds huddled around a room saying, “Hey Linus, wouldn’t it be great if girls swallowed more,” then publishing a made-up study that basically calls it the new avocado. Cum is a superfood now, everybody! Jamba Juice is gonna start adding it to its smoothies. It’s the key to long and healthy living. Basically saying that living your life taking more shots than a Saturday morning Japanese cartoon is the key to immortality. Just hope that soon they decide to release that study that says anal makes you lose weight and a threesome with your hot friend clears your skin up better than Proactiv.