Woman Marries A Ferris Wheel

“There’s really not a whole lotta difference in how we do things or how we spend time with each other”

Huff Po – Linda Ducharme and her husband, Bruce, had a lot of ups and downs in their 30-year relationship before finally getting hitched. Now that they’re together, the Florida-based couple can expect the ups and downs to continue — because Bruce is a ferris wheel. Ducharme first met “Bruce” — whose real name is actually the “Skydiver” — at a carnival in 1982 and it was love at first sight for her. “I got this weird feeling I can’t explain. My heart was pounding as we went up the platform and got on the ride. I felt like I was being taken by this ride,” she said, according to the New York Daily News. But this wasn’t Ducharme’s first rodeo, er, carnival. Her previous relationships include a fly-by-night affair with an airplane and a romance with a train that eventually derailed. Her relationship with Bruce also had problems. In 1986, a storm knocked the Ferris Wheel out of commission, sending him to Wichita, Kansas, for repairs. She eventually found his remains and is now attempting to return him to his former glory. In the process, she decided to marry Bruce last year and renewed their vows for What!?, a show on LogoTV. The vow renewal was conducted by a non-denominational priest who resigned from the Catholic Church over his role in the ceremony. “I tie you flesh to steel,” the priest said, according to the Independent. Ducharme then repeated the vow: “I Linda, take you Bruce, in this sacred marriage. I pledge to you my heart, my body and my spirit.” It might sound crazy, but Ducharme insists her feelings are sincere. “Bruce is my world, I think about him constantly, it just completely feels right when I’m with Bruce,” she said, according to the Metro.

Hold the phone here. This bitch just went ahead and named her Ferris Wheel “Bruce??” What the fuck is that about? That name fucking sucks. Just like your typical broad. As soon as the relationship is official they start changing everything about you. Who you hang out with, how you dress, how you style your hair. The list goes on and on. Happens to every man who ever settles down. But I draw the line at changing my name to fucking Bruce. I might even be able to tolerate a different name change. But not goddam Bruce. Thats just taking it too far. Especially when your name is already Skydiver. Perfectly good Ferris Wheel name. You’d think after a chick gets burned by an airplane and a train she’d just be happy to settle down with a nice ferris wheel, no matter what his name is. But nope. Typical scumbag chick move.

I’ll tell you what though? At least she lets him eat pizza. That little fade transition in the video at the 50 second mark with 2 slices of pepperoni on the ferris wheel and her talking about Bruce smelling pizza might be one of my favorite moments in the history of the Stool. Right behind that in 2nd place is the 2:45 mark when she explains to the priest the witness is “her best friend…on facebook.” And taking the bronze in 3rd place is that best friend and some random homeless dude giving a toast at her wedding in the final ten seconds. Some classic Stool moments during this ferris wheel wedding.