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British Soldier Jailed For 6 Months For Overly-Aggressive Titty Twisters

Pig's teats, cropped

Lance Sergeant Liam Cruise-Taylor violently ill-treated seven young recruits in the Irish Guards, part of the household division of the army which provides protection for the sovereign.

Cruise-Taylor preyed on his victims while drilling them at Catterick Infantry Centre, North Yorkshire, between July 2016 and February 2017.

He repeatedly punched young recruits while they were on parade and elbowed one in the chest, telling him to “stand up and take it like a man” when the blow caused him to double over.

He also twisted one soldier’s nipples and slapped another recruit in the face after he said Cruise-Taylor’s name incorrectly.

The veteran soldier, who had a previous exemplary military record, was sentenced to six months service detention and demoted to lance corporal after he admitted ill-treating subordinates at a court-martial in April this year.

I’m well on the record as saying that getting a titty twister is my worst nightmare. When I was just 13, I got a titty twister the likes that the world has never seen. My friend Derek White twisted my nipples to the moon. I cried out in pain. Derek looked me directly in my eyes and said, “whistle, bitch.”

With all of my might, I tried to whistle but nothing came out. I tried again and again. All that came from my mouth was screams of agony and the wind like I was blowing out a birthday candle. My only wish was that the pain would stop. It didnt. It continued for minutes. I was in the nipple version of the camel clutch and could not escape it by tapping out. The only escape was the beautiful noise of a whistle. I could not muster such a noise so my nipples ended up in a tangled mess.

Years later, my nipples are still as tender as cubed steak getting prepped for a delicious chicken fried steak.

That being said, throw away the key. Lance Sergeant Cruise-Taylor, your conduct was unbecoming. I think you know that.

We get into that story and much, much more on today’s Zero Blog Thirty.

PS. I am ADDICTED to Getty Images.