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Congratulations, You're All Single Now After Phil Kessel Just Stole Your Girl

The other day there was a photo circulating around the interwebs of one of the greatest man rockets in hockey history, and potentially in world history. That rocket, of course, was none other than Jaromir Jagr.


47-years-old and still looks like he’s in better shape than 99% of the world’s population. Just look at those arms. Those things could kill a bear. But barely even 48 hours later, the real Great One has come back to remind everyone that the world still belongs to him as do all of your girlfriends. And that legend’s name is Phil the Thrill.

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This, my friends, is the ideal male body in it’s purest form. This is what a true king looks like. No need to lift heavy weights. No need to do any cardio. All you have to do is simply exist and be the biggest legend the world has ever seen. Crush a few beers, eat a healthy balanced diet of nachos, and own life. Jaromir Jagr had to work for those chiseled arms, Phil the Thrill was simply just born to be great. He may not have the body of Jags but he sure as shit has the shot.


So yeah. Probably not the way that some of you had envisioned your weekend started but you’re single now. All of the ladies are flocking over to the KessDawg and there ain’t shit we can do about it.