The Federalist – Stop Trying To Make Cardinals Hatred Happen. It’s Not Going To Happen. A few weeks ago I met a senior vice president at a DC public relations firm. It being the post-season, we got talking baseball. He’s a huge fan. Season tickets to the Nationals. Weekend season tickets to the Orioles. He even moved to the Navy Yard area of DC so he could walk to games. When I told him I’m a die-hard St. Louis Cardinals fan, the mood shifted. “I loathe the Cardinals,” he said. “That’s impossible,” I replied. Nobody hates the Cardinals. We’re a well-run organization with strong values. Our fans are the best in baseball. Hating the Cardinals is like punching your mother. Even if you were tempted, you just wouldn’t do it. But that Sunday at our church in Virginia, I was talking to the kindergarten teacher at our Lutheran school. She’s a die-hard St. Louis Cardinals fan. She introduced me to a new mother at church whose allegiance to the Cards was showcased on the diaper bag she was carrying around. As we all chatted about the Pirates series, the kindergarten teacher’s husband (a Nationals fan) interjected that he hated us and the Cardinals. I found it jarring. Two people in the same week saying something I’d never heard in more than three decades of being a Cardinals fan.
Listen up right here, right now – nobody, and I mean nobody, tells me who I can and can’t hate. Thats the whole point of hate. If you’ve got hate in your heart, let it out!
Here’s what dumbass Cardinals fans don’t realize – people don’t hate the Cardinals team…we fucking hate you. Thats the basis for all the most hated franchises in sports – the obnoxious fans that support them. Yea, the Cardinals are a great organization. Very well run franchise. I hate Yadier Molina with the fire of 10,000 suns but other than that, there’s not many guys to hate on the Cardinals. Shit, I’d probably make out with Beltran’s mole if I could. Its not the players on the field, its the High Horse Assholes in the stands at Busch Stadium that I fucking despise with all of my heart. As soon as this chick said “Thats impossible, nobody hates the Cardinals” I didn’t even bother reading the rest of the article. Because that is the exact reason for the Cardinals hatred. You proved the rest of America’s point and negated your own article. Well done.
Hating certain teams doesn’t have to do with payroll or steroids or unwritten rules and shit – thats just the ammunition people use when they’re arguing with the opposition, trying to diminish their rivals success. But thats not the real reason you hate those teams. People hate the Patriots because of cocky assholes like Jerry Thornton and the rest of Boston Stoolies. People hate the Yankees because of their dickhead fans who rant about 27 World Championships and have barely tasted an ounce of adversity in the past 20 years. People hate the teams I root for because I’m the asshole idiot who tries to argue against all these other successful franchises even though my squads all fucking suck and I don’t have a leg to stand on. And people hate the fucking Cardinals because their entire fanbase is made up entirely of Holier Than Thou assholes like this woman who have their heads so far up their own Cardinal asses they can’t see how douchey they’ve become. Nobody hates Allen Craig or David Freese…we hate you. And don’t get me wrong – you’ve earned the right to act arrogant with all the success you’ve had recently. I would be absolutely INSUFFERABLE to be around if my teams won on a consistent basis. But I’d never expect anybody to like me or my team like the St. Louis Cardinals fan base does. There’s a reason why blogs are writing these articles and there are entire twitter accounts created to knock you down a peg – because you’re delusional assholes and the prevailing notion that you’re baseball royalty is bullshit
PS – Just so we’re clear, Cardinals fans can be scumbags just like every other fanbase in the world. (Courtesy of @BestFansStLouis, which is tremendous)