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Gritty Is Beginning To Build An Army Of Small Children By Blasting Them In The Face With Orange Powder

Well that’s not terrifying or anything…

Listen. I love the Flyers. I love Gritty. But it’s just that…well…I don’t know how many people necessarily asked for Gritty to go around blasting children in the face with orange powder. I think the majority of people were content with Gritty merely existing. I mean there are even some people out there who aren’t okay with that, but certainly nobody had this in mind. If anything, most people would probably advocate for Gritty to stay as far away from the children as possible.

But now? Well now this city is going to be taken over by thousands of mini-Gritties.

Kind of like in the Power Rangers movie when Ivan Ooze created an army with his ooze. Granted, the army ended up being a bunch of adults which is objectively less terrifying than an army of zombie children, but that’s what makes this even more frightening. For 24 years now I thought that nobody could possibly be more evil and diabolical than Ivan Ooze, but Gritty is here to prove me wrong. Stay safe out there, folks. It all begins tomorrow night as the Flyers host the New Jersey Devils. Kind of fitting, isn’t it?

@BarstoolJordie