(Post) — Martha Stewart yesterday revealed that she’s a Diva of Desire looking for a good time between the 700-thread-count sheets — and is hunting for a bedmate on Match.com. “I’d like to have breakfast with somebody. I’d like to go to bed with somebody. Sleep with somebody,” the usually prim and proper 71-year-old media mogul cooed to a stunned Matt Lauer on the “Today” show. She then signed up on the popular dating Web site on the air. Coached by Sam Yagan, Match.com’s chief executive, the near-billionaire completed a profile that she said she had started earlier but given up on after getting frustrated with navigating the site. “I put out ‘young-ish,’ ” she told Lauer of her earlier profile, saying she wanted someone “active” without specifying an age. “Energetic, outdoor-ish, really smart. Tall-ish.”
I would do this in one single nanosecond. Martha clearly states she’s looking for a fuck buddy. The word “soul mate” scares her, she just wants someone to sleep with.
Well here’s what I know: fuck buddy is instinctual. You get offered a fuck fellowship and it’s an immediate yes or no answer. It’s not like dating where people will say “let me think about it for a few days.” Fuck buddies just know. And, yea, what do you want me to say? I’d do Martha. I have no doubt she’s a horrible person to be around. I’m sure she’s the kind of person who leaves a bowl of toothbrushes on a dimly lit porch at Halloween with a note that says, “Don’t forget to brush!” I bet she says cunty things like “Oh I don’t believe in television. I’m a reader.” Nothing about her personality is appealing. But I’d fuck her. Can’t be any more clear than that.