Dude Suffers From Rare Condition Where His Stomach Turns Food Into Beer

NYDN – A teetotalling Texan whose family thought he was addicted to booze was in fact suffering from a rare disease where his stomach turns the food he eats into beer. Too much brewer’s yeast in the 61-year-old’s gut meant that whenever he ate starch, it sparked a chemical reaction leading to fermentation. The man — dubbed “the human brewery” — ended up getting totally tanked without even touching a drop of alcohol. His condition was discovered only after he stumbled into a hospital, complaining of dizziness. Doctors initially laughed when he, despite clocking in at more than five times the drunken driving limit, said he hadn’t drunk a thing. Tests later revealed his stomach effectively brews beer. The news stunned his wife, who thought he was sneaking drinks into his day. “He would get drunk out of the blue,” said Barbara Cordell, dean of nursing at Panola College in Texas. “On a Sunday morning after being at church, or really, just any time. His wife was so dismayed about it that she even bought a Breathalyzer,” she added. The man is now on a low-carb diet and antifungal drugs in a bid to keep his alcohol levels down. His bizarre case came to light after Cordell co-authored a report about auto-brewery syndrome for the July edition of the International Journal of Clinical Medicine. “A Case Study of Gut Fermentation Syndrome (Auto-Brewery) with Saccharomyces cerevisiae as the Causative Organism” explores possible medical treatment of the condition.

Has there ever been a better disease than Auto Brewery Syndrome? Your stomach brews its own fucking beer. Its absolutely the most spectacular thing I’ve ever heard. You can get drunk off anything you choose. I could eat 10 donuts and be shitfaced. 25 wings and I’m bombed. Never have to worry about that awful feeling where you feel like you’re gonna explode because you just drank 10 beers after a big full meal. Just let your beer gut turn that food into booze. Really when you think about it, its much more healthy than your current, normal life. As of right now, you eat like shit, then you drink a ton of booze on top of it to get drunk. With Auto Brewery, you just cut out that second part all together. Just eat like shit and the drunkeness will come. No drinking necessary. I’d be drunk all the time and probably lose like a hundred pounds.

Best of all you have an excuse for being completely shitfaced all the time. When you’re drunk at 10am because you had a big breakfast, you tell people Saccharomyces cerevisiae is the causative organism resulting in internal fermantation. Nobody will say a fucking word to you after that whole spiel. They’ll just be like “this dude is fucking shitfaced but there’s something really wrong with him he can’t help it.” Drunk 24 hours a day, off of your favorite food, with an excuse for the rest of the world. I’ll sign for Auto Brewery Disease right now.